GOING NUTS

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Comment by MsKris12 on April 17, 2012 at 9:50am

Nathan, no, not nuts-grieving-funny how you mention the 10th month mark.  As I was first starting to navigate this thing called grief, I would often read comments by members of our little group as they where in the 8th to 1 year mark, expressing how awful it was and I would think-Good God how could this feeling get any worse!  But it did, they were right,  then after a bit, my sanity started to come back.  Steve and I were renovating a house, I was able to express a lot of my "craziness" in drywalling, painting, tiling and decorating.  This year, now that the house is done.  I take my frustration in losing Steve out in the flower beds.  Damn weeds!  Pulling weeds, dead plants (cuz I totally let these beds go last year) looks like the house might have been vacant-a jungle grew up around it!  

I like Twins suggestion of cheap dish breaking, but somewhere where you would not have to clean it up.  Never feels good to break anything if you have to pick up the mess afterwards. lol

You will find your way, I know it seems like that is impossible, but you will

Blessings

Kris 

Comment by Joyce on April 17, 2012 at 9:24am

Nathan, some days it just pays to "get it out" and talking about it helps.  But I seriously like the punching bag idea, then there is no clean up....lol

Comment by kimkirt (KK) on April 17, 2012 at 9:02am

Nathan, I'd pay too, to go in that room and throw stuff.   Hugs my friend, get it out, share it here, hit the pillows, anything. I remember shortly after my husband died, maybe a month after, I was looking in the mirror and that rage like you just had came on, and I took out the scissors and I wanted to chop off all my hair. Just in a rage. I was so mad, but I heard him "I like your hair long, honey." Saved me from going bald that day.

Hang in there seems SO inane to say. But there, I said it. Love you friend.

Comment by smit09 on April 17, 2012 at 8:40am

OMG Nathan, I was soOoO thinking the same thing.  I friend of mine, has a punching bag in her basement, and I just took a good ol' crank at it.... my god, it felt good.  real good in fact.  and holds as double duty too... we're getting our frustrations out in a healthy way by being active and releasing endorphins.  There was this sense of power/ or having control when I wound up.... soon I was punching it, kicking it and screaming while doing it,....it was awesome. (hugs) 

Comment by Lisa (lost) Lamb on April 17, 2012 at 8:35am

I wish you luck Nathan,  I can say one thing I do feel a little better on my medication then I did before. I still have melt downs but there not as bad, and don't last as long, and not as many. It's just what I need to get over the hump and that does help. My Doctor started me on the very lowest dose so I get just enough to take the edge off. I wish you well ((((Hugs Nathan)))) You will make it through.............Lisa

Comment by Nathan on April 17, 2012 at 2:00am

Thank you all. I feel better after exerting out my head and I manage to get away from the house and join a few friends at a pub. But I avoided alcohol and just simply talk to them. It helped a lot.  I think I should invest in a punching bag lol

Hugs back to you all. Thank you.

Comment by bad ass widow on April 16, 2012 at 11:28pm

Ooops, not the medication but we know where your head is at.  We have been there.

Comment by bad ass widow on April 16, 2012 at 11:27pm

I agree with Twinsmum, get yourself some bricks or plates and throw them at a brick wall.  It really does help.  The medication is up to you.  But know that we all here get it.

(((((hugs))))))

Comment by twinsmum on April 16, 2012 at 10:14pm

Buy some cheap cups and saucers  and throw one at a wall when you need too....unfortunately you still need to clean it up.  But it made me feel better one day when I did it.

I'm hearing you - I think we may have all experienced a day or too like this.  Unfortunately we just have to deal with it as shitty as that is.  I did find about a week after the 1 year anniversary I had a complete melt down.  Luckily good friends surrounded me and a couple of days away with them without any responsbilities for me saw me through. And now I am about 12 days away from the 2nd anniversary and am having daily headaches again and feeling down again too.  Another down on this roller coaster!

Hopefully tomorrow is better for you.  Let your friends know you are having a hard time and let them help you.  Big Hugs to you....and vent here whenever you need....I know I do.....we get it!

Comment by Katie on April 16, 2012 at 9:17pm

Sometimes all we truly feel is despair, we have to go through this horror too. I pray your tomorrow hurts less. Somehow each day is so different, when my husband was here and I felt his touch the days had a base in peace, no more. I can't know what feelings await my days, I pray loudly for easing of despair for all of us. I know they only want our peace too, I don't know how their death and our living can ever be okay.

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