A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Going thru the motions
Dragging myself out of bed and getting into the shower. Getting ready to go to a place where I do not want to go. Dragging my butt to church and going thru the motions. Putting on that happy and "I have everything under control" face on for the community and my sons. It seems as if I am always going thru the motions to make everyone ( including family) think I am ok. My life is so different now. Everyone has returned to theirs as I knew they would (my husband died 2 1/2 years ago). What happens to me? My sons will be going to college next year and the year after. Everyday is the same. Put on my happy face and pretend all is well. I do this mostly for my sons but I am going to crack. People tell me to "date" and figured that will fix it. I feel sooo lost. No family near me, but they say to call anytime( as do friends). But I won't. I do not want to bother anyone. I am 47 and fee like I am 77. No one really understands....Now I am trying to figure out the fuse box, the snow blower, the taxes, college apps and aid. Sometimes I feel like I cannot handle it all. I am not overly religious, but I pray something will change They say, "Do not worry , it will get better" and they leave to their wonderful lives. When will it get better?
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Comment by twinsmum on October 10, 2011 at 7:25am -
Oh I hear you Mary and Shayne....just had my venting blog yesterday too. My hubby past just over 17 months ago. And yes many said they would help so when I send out a vent on facebook I get comments, have some wine or (from my divorced cousin who is now over 60) been there done that.....I also feel old...I had portraits done with the kids last week and I look so tired in the photos and more wrinkles. I agree...when will it get better? Somedays are good and then some days are just downers.....I'm over pretending as well. People just don't get it.
Sorry I am not much help neither :). On the upside WE GET IT. And we can rant and rave and be understood. I do find a little comfort with the comments I get here. I hope you do too. Shame we can't all help one another out somehow. A bit hard for me as I am in Australia LOL. Take care....one day at a time...
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Comment by shayne on October 9, 2011 at 9:16am -
Hi Mary:
Sitting here reading your thoughts and struggles I understand your emotions. It doesn
t matter how long it has been( I am also 25 months since I lost my husband) no one truly gets except those of us here on this website. People move on that were with us during our inital loss and we are left alone I think they look at us and see their our mortality and run home quickly to their husbands and I probably did the same thing before my loss. I also pretend because I've grown tired of people saying things that still upset me as they don't know what it's like to go home to an empty house; yesterday the toliet roll holder fell of the wall and I started crying uncontrollably-another thing I don't know how to fix;will have to learn; all our male friends who initially said call and I'll help; well I've called and they don't offer their help-so I'm done asking I'll figure it out and do it myself-not as good as my husband would do but good enough for me
So Mary I tried to help you and ended up venting myself; but know I/we are all here for you
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