This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Grief and hope try to be friends, but it isn't easy. Grief pulls back, gets scared, loses its mind in the past. Hope moves forward quickly, not even imagining all the trouble that might lie in wait up ahead. Hope is full of energy. Hope wants to branch out, try something new, get out and get going.


Grief takes a big long nap and is grateful for the quiet. Grief needs to lose weight and feels too heavy to get up and start all over again. Grief holds on tight to what is known. Grief demands an accounting of all that's been lost for fear that it will disappear altogether.


Hope says, "Fine, let it all come along for the ride. There's plenty of room. All are welcome here."


Grief wants very badly to believe that Hope can be trusted. Can they really co-exist? If they get together, will they be betraying anyone else?


Hope sings, voices echoing into the future, moving with confidence into unknown territory. Grief mutters in the background. Grief is simply exhausted and needs something to lean on.


"Lean on me", says Hope. I will always be outside your door and if you let me I will help you. It's what I'm here to do.


Grief rests her head on the pillow and pulls the covers up under her chin. She closes her eyes, invigorated by the darkness. She could stay here forever imagining how it used to be, how it could have been, how everything is alien now.


Hope sits on the screened front porch basking in the filtered warm sun, holding a cup of tea. Grief lumbers in, squints uncomfortably in the light,  but takes a seat anyway.


"This feels like a good beginning for us," says Grief.


"No hurry," says Hope. "We can get up whenever you're ready to go."

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Comment by Jill on October 13, 2011 at 3:56am
Hi Carol. That would be wonderful. Thank you. If you'd like you can also pass on the URL for my blog about writing and   I've been writing that blog for several years. I'm glad you like that piece. I actually wrote it during one summer perhaps 3 or 4 years after my husband died. That summer I discovered some peace on a regular basis in  sitting on my porch with a book, enjoying the beauty of the day,  and being OK with being alone. That was the inspiration.
Comment by Carol in Calif on October 12, 2011 at 9:02pm
Hello Jill ... This is so meaningful. I have shared it with my grief counselor and she wants to share it but to give you credit. Can we pass it on and give your name as the author?
Comment by Carol in Calif on September 30, 2011 at 10:54am
Thanks so much Jill
Comment by Jill on September 30, 2011 at 9:16am

Hi Carol,

Hope will arrive; I know it.

Comment by Carol in Calif on September 30, 2011 at 8:00am
I can't believe how hard this hit home. Grief is doing all of the above to me and I just can't seem to find hope anywhere. Thank you for sharing this.
Comment by jean on September 29, 2011 at 6:32am

Jill, you did it again, thanks!  :)


Comment by Jill on September 28, 2011 at 5:05pm
Thanks AnneMarie. You made my day.
Comment by AnneMarie on September 28, 2011 at 3:57pm
FANTASTIC!!  Thank you for your amazing depth and vision in juxtaposing the 2 things we all struggle with to try to move forward while we also try to cling to the familiar that is no longer in our grasp.  Thank you are a delight!
Comment by Jill on September 27, 2011 at 9:14am
Thank you Marielee. When I first wrote this a few years ago, hope was starting to show up more often. Today, there's more hope than grief. Amazing, but it happened.
Comment by Lisa ( Marielee) on September 26, 2011 at 9:15pm
Love this. You draw such a realistic picture of the struggle we feel between having hope and living with grief. I needed this and am going to keep it somewhere I can read it every day.  I need to make sure I tell myself that grief and I aren't here alone. Hope is visiting and planning to stay :)  Thank you !

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