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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Grief is ever present in my life. It has defined my existence since September 16 of last year. Every moment of every day, I am reminded of the great absence that holds me hostage.  Sometimes it is a black, heavy cloud of despair that envelops me, other times it is a lighter, more distant ripple of nostalgia. Either way, it is an ever-present absence. I feel it first thing when I wake up and it follows me throughout the day. The house is empty, even when it’s full with the kids’ laughter and activities. Even when I’m sleeping, I’m aware of the empty bed next to me. I try to absorb the grief, but I haven’t been successful, yet. I can’t yet comprehend it.

Someday, maybe I’ll get used to it. People tell me that I’ll never get over it, but I’ll make space for the absence in my life. That it will become a part of me and stop consuming my thoughts and stop blanketing me with overwhelming anguish. It’s hard to imagine that from where I am now. But I hope it’s true. And I’ll have to keep moving forward through this painful life until it becomes true.

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Comment by happylilycat on May 13, 2017 at 2:13am

I love your blog posts Sherry, and I'm glad you are getting your feelings out through writing. I have my days when I curse the gods of the Universe and cry myself to sleep. There's a line from a movie I saw a while back that I never forgot (the movie is "Gran Torino"): "Nothing's fair, Father."  There's a lot of truth in that. I wish you and all of us some peace and hope today.  Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms out there. 

Comment by OffBalance on May 12, 2017 at 10:11pm

I enjoyed your post/blog and it brings to mind a thought that continues to echo in my head and in my heart. I am not certain that I want things to get better, for the grief to end, the black cloud to lighten or clear. It seems that these heavy and dark days are the penance that I must pay for the 37 years of friendship and 30 years of marriage to the most wonderful woman I have ever known. 

It seems that should the mood lighten that I am cheating the love of my life who was cheated out of a life of joy, wonder, love and affection and that my lack of joy in my life mirrors the lack of joy that my wife has been subjected to because her life was taken from her and us by her cancer. 

Has anyone else had the thought that the darkness, emptiness and loneliness of death and grief are our price that we must pay for the love, and wonder that we where so fortunate to have for so long?

Comment by Callie2 on May 12, 2017 at 6:21pm
Sherry, each day is a day closer to healing. Grieving is not easy and requires a lot of patience. We don't know how long we can expect it to last but please believe that in time, the pain eases. We pass through the dark days and come out on the other side wounded still, but we continue to grow stronger. You will smile again and even find joy in your life. Hold onto those thoughts and hopes. Allow those emotions to flow freely--it's exhausting, I know, but it is part of the healing process. Hugs to you.
Comment by WithoutJim on May 12, 2017 at 6:02pm

Oh ((Sherry) yes -- oh yes, that very black cloud of despair envelops you, but eventually the kids's laughter and activities will absorb much of that grief and even though that empty bed will still be beside you, you will make room somehow some way for the absence in your life and this horrific soul-wrenching loss will no longer define your every waking moment. True, so far hard to believe, but somehow you will find that you have moved forward enough that this painful life has somehow moved forward and you are no longer consumed by the pain. 

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