We have all seen the signs or said them ouselves is that "Accidents happen", "Divorce happens", "Shit happens" and "Change happens" but the one we haven't seen or said is the uncomfortable one that "Grief Happens". The little things that trigger our grief like the memories, a fleeting thought, a song, a phrase, a word or any number of things can trigger the grief we feel on this journey. It happens when we least expect it. Sometimes it seems for us that it comes at the most inappropriate time. That wave of grief, sadness, emptiness and the loneliness that follow us on this journey.
There was a lot of the "grief happening" this Thanksgiving holiday for me. It was not a good holiday at all and one I would have skipped if at all possible. The tears have flowed when they wanted to and without warning. This Thanksgiving was harder than last year even though it is the second one without my husband. I think because last year I was still in shock of his passing on November 1st and Thanksgiving being just 23 days later. I did not just grieve for the loss of my husband but also for the loss of my father and grandmother some 20 plus years ago.
I am hoping that the Christmas holidays are a little better than Thanksgiving but only time will tell. I for one do not like this journey but I know it is a part of life's lessons. There are lessons to be learned on this journey even though they are not easy ones. It is a time for reflection of our past, a time of growing, of learning who the new person is without our spouse but also about life and all it holds dear to us.
I no longer take things for granted. I find that I am more sensitive and takes things more personally than I used to. This is some thing that I need to work on this for me to grow and heal. I know I am not the same person I was before this journey started and that that I will never be that person again. I am learning the new me and trying to come to grips with the 'new' normal. It is a growing process but for me a healing process as well.
The only thing I can ask of anyone is to "Please be patient. God isn't finished with me". I have no idea what he has in store or what I am suppose to learn or do but I do know that I will be a better person for it.
Live today as if it was your last for there are no gaurantees about tomorrow.