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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

We have all seen the signs or said them ouselves is that "Accidents happen", "Divorce happens", "Shit happens" and "Change happens" but the one we haven't seen or said is the uncomfortable one that "Grief Happens".  The little things that trigger our grief like the memories, a fleeting thought, a song, a phrase, a word or any number of things can trigger the grief we feel on this journey.  It happens when we least expect it.  Sometimes it seems for us that it comes at the most inappropriate time.  That wave of grief, sadness, emptiness and the loneliness that follow us on this journey.

There was a lot of the "grief happening" this Thanksgiving holiday for me.  It was not a good holiday at all and one I would have skipped if at all possible.  The tears have flowed when they wanted to and without warning.  This Thanksgiving was harder than last year even though it is the second one without my husband.  I think because last year I was still in shock of his passing on November 1st and Thanksgiving being just 23 days later.  I did not just grieve for the loss of my husband but also for the loss of my father and grandmother some 20 plus years ago. 

I am hoping that the Christmas holidays are a little better than Thanksgiving but only time will tell.  I for one do not like this journey but I know it is a part of life's lessons.  There are lessons to be learned on this journey even though they are not easy ones.  It is a time for reflection of our past, a time of growing, of learning who the new person is without our spouse but also about life and all it holds dear to us. 

I no longer take things for granted.  I find that I am more sensitive and takes things more personally than I used to.  This is some thing that I need to work on this for me to grow and heal.  I know I am not the same person I was before this journey started and that that I will never be that person again.  I am learning the new me and trying to come to grips with the 'new' normal.  It is a growing process but for me a healing process as well.

The only thing I can ask of anyone is to "Please be patient.  God isn't finished with me".  I have no idea what he has in store or what I am suppose to learn or do but I do know that I will be a better person for it.

Live today as if it was your last for there are no gaurantees about tomorrow.


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Comment by Joyce on November 27, 2012 at 6:13pm

Grief Happens is a perfect description Janet, thanks for this.  You are so right about things that trigger our grief, they sure can come out of nowhere sometimes, this whole journey is a roller coaster ride that we don't want to on.  Hugs!

Comment by Morgana (Janet) on November 27, 2012 at 6:01pm

GussieW, I am checking into that.  I will keep you posted.

Comment by hendrixx2 on November 27, 2012 at 3:23pm

Hi Janet,

Your statement, ''Grief Happens'', is so right on; you are right, it happens and we are left to try and figure out how to live with the results, as you say, ''...I have no idea what he has in store or what I am suppose to learn or do...'', that is so true, i too feel that, no idea what to do or learn, we just keep trying...something...

((((Janet)))), thanx for posting this, well put and so simply...true...

Comment by bj628(Bonnie) on November 26, 2012 at 7:50am

So many things you said,  well parallels my life too. I think TG last yr I was stil "numb" & in shock.

We are learning & growing.. not in a choice we would have made for oursleves, but then I am learning

there is so much in our lives that we have no control over.  more of life's lessons to learn..

Wishing you peace & love my dear friend,

Comment by Blue Snow on November 26, 2012 at 6:03am


Comment by Tommi on November 26, 2012 at 3:27am

Very well said my friend....Hugs!

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