The Wellbutrin has evened out and I can't even begin to explain the difference. It doesn't feel like I'm suffocating. It doesn't feel like getting out of bed is too much work, and why bother. The grief is still there, it's just... easier to carry? A little less immediate? It's not overwhelming everything. The anxiety is also still there, though I can mostly deal with it.
Tuesday the guy from the auction place is coming over and bringing the contract with him. So that will be that. I want to start redecorating, but it's bittersweet.
I need to start pulling stuff out for the Halloween party; it's in two weeks. I can't say that my heart is in it, but I can make it happen. I'll draft the kids. I didn't add anything this year, though I do intend to finish painting Howard's tombstone. I'd carved it long ago, and he loved it (he made me show all his doctors the photo of the carved tombstone and insisted that if he had an actual tombstone, that's what he wanted on it), but I didn't get it painted. I'll have it for the party this year, though.
Normally, I would have started projects months ago. A friend was going to be helping me with a fog screen for projections. Everything just kinda fell by the wayside, though.
I had a couple ideas for costumes. I was originally going to do Scarlet from Pirates of the Carribean, but everything got consumed, and that didn't happen. But I was also supposed to have already have several months of work in on my costume for D23 Expo next year, and that hasn't happened, either. Which unfortunately means that I won't have it done in time to enter in the one next year. Maybe for the next one. So likely I'll resurrect one of my older costumes. Probably either the Haunted Mansion or Evil Queen. We'll see what I've got in the costume closet.
Howard loved Halloween shopping with me. He loved getting stuff ready and seeing it set up. He loved all the art projects I'd be working on. I actually had his costume half done... (Yes, he'd let me dress him up for Halloween. I loved it.) I was going to have him dressed up as one of the Party Ponies from Percy Jackson. Since he was on the knee walker all the time, I was going to turn it in to the centaur half. I was most amused. He would've loved it.
And so we begin one of our favorite seasons together. I don't think I'll do as much as I normally do around the house. But we'll see. Halloween party first.