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Happiness
This is one of my favourite photos of Corey and one of the most bittersweet for me because I know it was taken the last time he was truly happy. His contentment and happiness just radiate from the photo. We spent the week before Memorial Day 2010 in Colorado skiing at Arapahoe Basin. This had been a lifelong dream of Corey's - to hang out on the "beach" at Abasin and to soak up the spring skiing. We rented a cute historic house in Breckenridge and skied and enjoyed ourselves immensely. We bought season's passes for 2011. It was a wonderful trip. Travelling was something we did a lot of together and always had a great time.
We came home from that trip and something happened. Corey was hit by a wave of depression that he was never able to shake, for which he refused any help other than from a bottle of vodka, and just under 2 years later he was dead. Ironically, at the time of his death I think he had "hit bottom" and was ready to take the help that was offered to him to help him combat his disease, but a hospital infection put an end to that dream.
Since his death 6 months ago (this Sunday) I've found it all but impossible to look at photos of him directly - to look into those beautiful hazel green eyes, at that wonderful smile and to see that handsome man and to feel once again that kick to the gut of all that he and I and everyone who knew him has lost. It just hurt too much.
This week in my widows' group I was asked to bring a photo of him to share. I ended up bringing a collage that a friend put together for his wake which included this photo as its centerpiece. For the first time in months I was able to look at some photos of Corey for a few seconds at a time without feeling almost physically ill from the pain of his loss. Granted, I am wiritng this with tears streaming down my face, and I still can only stand to look at the photos for a few seconds at a time, but I hope I am making progress. That being said, it is still incredible to me that my love will never again walk through the door with his trademark "Hey Babe!" and that I will never again hear him say "I love you more than you will ever know".
Corey, I love you more than you will ever know and I am so glad that you were able to experience true happiness.
Comment
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Comment by Susan B on October 27, 2012 at 10:41pm -
phots like these are the best when you are lowdown, I love them. This one is so wonderful--you can really see the contentment. I have one of Keith smiling and looking off camera--likely his BIL just cracked wise, and Keith is wearing his trade mark smirk--"Alan, you Dog ,you!" look. Love it.
thanks for sharing this with us--its a fine photo of a fine man!
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Comment by kshy on October 26, 2012 at 8:26pm -
Such a touching post. Thank you for sharing this photo, and your heartfelt thoughts and emotions.
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Comment by CharliesGirl on October 26, 2012 at 1:45pm -
It's been almost 7 months for me. I have put a picture of Charlie, smiling in every room in my house. I won't say I never cry when I see them, but most often I can't help smiling back at him. I hate it that he's gone, that he can't still enjoy life, but looking at the pictures I have proof that he was happy.
Julie
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Comment by kimkirt (KK) on October 26, 2012 at 8:44am -
Thank you for sharing this photo. Corey does look so happy here. I'm glad you are trying to make some progress by looking at photos again. It's hard, but it shows how much you loved him. Hugs to you.
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Comment by honeys(puddin) on October 25, 2012 at 9:41pm
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It's good to see happy photos of him. Remember the good times:)
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Comment by MrsD on October 25, 2012 at 8:49pm -
I can't stop looking at pictures and the notes he wrote me, but when I do they make me miserable. I'm glad you are at least starting to find it cathartic.
Ee didn't travel much, but for some reason the most difficult pictures for me to look at are from a trip we took out to North Carolina to visit his brother. We'd only had our dog a few months, and the love my husband had for him is so clear. I just wish I could be back there in the car with him. We listened to the comedy station on satellite radio pretty much the whole way and laughed and laughed together.
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Comment by MissingRKK on October 25, 2012 at 8:35pm -
He looks beautiful. Thank you for sharing your special photo. Hugs to you.
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