It was my birthday last week, my FIRST one since Jeff died 11months, 18 days ago. My relationship with the in-laws since then has not been great, some contact here and there (they all live very close) but strained at best. Jeff's dad rung to wish me a happy birthday which was very thoughtful and I thanked him very much. He also said "I hope you have a good day" to which I replied "thank you, I think it will be a difficult day, that it is my first birthday without Jeff". His dad said "uh, um, oh yeah...well Lynne (step mother in-law) is at her house getting some windows replaced" he went to tell me some other generic shit about maintenance around her house and then "well just wanted to say happy birthday" Seriously :-s ? I know it is hard for him to talk about stuff but surely he could have come up with something a little more compassionate than that! I know he lost his son, his first born child, I really am trying to be understanding of his grief. Like in the fathers day card I gave him and wrote a beautful message acknowledging his FIRST f'day without Jeff and how very difficult it must be for him...etc!
What about me? What about my grief? Jeff and I were inseparable for 20 years but nothing, not a mention of how I might be feeling.
Jeff's brother Doug came over here on Friday expressing his concerns about my relationship (or lack of) with their dad and how he hoped his dad and I could talk things over. I told Doug about my birthday phone call and how his father is. I told Doug I understand that their dad doesn't know how to be any other way and when I talk about Jeff it is uncomfortable for him. I told Doug that where I am at right now with my grief and emotional state I needed to be around people that are supportive and compassionate and that sadly that is not their dad.
Just venting! I should make that my profile name.