Having to face the Holidays already... How am I going to get through it. What are you going to do?

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Comment by Dianne in Nevada on November 1, 2012 at 10:31pm

That sounds like a perfect plan, Connie. Good for you! I changed up Thanksgiving that first year. I didn't want to go to a friend's house where I would be around a joyful intact family. And I couldn't see going to the trouble of cooking a full turkey dinner for just my single adult son and I - so we decided to go out to a Mexican restaurant that was a favorite of my husbands. We toasted my husband/his dad with our margaritas and shared some wonderful memories. It has now become our Thanksgiving tradition.

Comment by Hahase (Connie) on November 1, 2012 at 9:14pm

Thank you all for your kind words.  After discussion with my son we have decided to get a white tree and put on tacky orniments and find one orniment that we can have to celebrate Roberts life.   We always go to my 82yo mom's house on Christmas eve so we will do that but the gift giving and baking is going to be very simple this year.  We have decided to get the gift's before Black Friday so as to avoid the goings on.   On Christmas day we are thinking of going for a drive and have dinner somewhere.  

Once again thank you all !!!!

Connie

Comment by Silvina1 on November 1, 2012 at 9:13pm

I feel exactly the same way. I was thinking about it for the last week. I have 5 year old twins and they expect to celebrate Christmas and the holidays... And I just would like to take off and be back in January 2013. I miss hubby too much and there is nothing to celebrate. I can't give you any advice, I'm looking for answers myself :-(

Comment by Drewlady on October 30, 2012 at 7:54pm

Good evening. The Horrible Holidays. It's been three and a half years since losing Drew so this is the fourth set of Holidays without the world's biggest kid when it came to every holiday. He even would say one year he would get costumes for us like the movie "White Christmas".

Maybe you and your son could leave Christmas morning to go away I know some who do that.Quite a few take a cruise. Perhaps a friend of your son's could also go if the family agrees to pay for the trip. I know several widows with teens who were shocked that their friends families assumed the WIDOW was paying for their kids and they would just send spending money. !  

There is no right or wrong  when it comes to holidays and you may have to be firm with those who disagree. I have had to say "this is what I need to do for me to stay sane."

In my case now people fuss because I go over the top at Thanksgiving Christmas New Years.The first holidays kids and I voted to have only a few people over then went to the shore and walked the beach the rest of Thanksgiving and Christmas weekends.Saw a couple of movies but couldnt tell you anything about them.  Thanksgiving morning we did help serve meals at a womens and childrens shelter. We continue to do that.

We stay with my relatives near New York for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Return on the 26th have a dinner at my house with Drew's family. Not all of them are happy about our going away and I do not worry about it now of course it took time.

I know a widow who goes away the entire month of December .She's without children and people get upset with her . She  says she now asks them if they want their gifts at Thanksgiving or New Years.

Do what you need to do.                  Take care, Drewlady

Comment by jean on October 30, 2012 at 2:03pm

Connie.. I get this.. I didn't do any of it the first year. Was only two months since he had passed the first christmas. I was still bawling my eyes out at two months. (((hugs)))  Hang in there. I'll be praying someone near can help you with the decorations and shopping.

Comment by kimkirt (KK) on October 30, 2012 at 9:08am

My husband died on 11/5/11, last year I cooked Thanksgiving for my son (10 at the time), and my parents and myself. I always cook, every year, my husband loved it. He would "sample" as I cooked, it was our think. Thanksgiving morning I'd put the bird in early and watch the Macy's parade with my husband and son. We'd always wait for Santa at the end, it would make me giddy like a little kid. Last year I did all this even though he had just passed a few weeks earlier, I tried to hold onto the Tradition. It was awful, I barely made it through dinner, I couldn't wait for my parents to leave so I could just cry and cry. I can't even remember Christmas, I just numbly went through the holidays. Now here we are facing Thanksgiving again. I am not going to try to uphold the tradition this year. I am going to try to let that tradition be a beautiful memory and now start making new ones. I'm thinking about taking my son to a minor league hockey game and out to dinner at Cracker Barrel. My parents have moved 8 hours away so there is no family around anymore. I have been invited to a friend's house, but I don't want to sit there and "act." So this year perhaps I will start new traditions. Ones that will be easier to get through instead of trying to hold on to the past ones that only make me ache inside. Good luck, I wish you peace in your heart this holiday season. 

Comment by Lisa ( Marielee) on October 28, 2012 at 11:34pm

Connie , I so get this . This will be my third Christmas without my husband and I had to take my time and go at my pace with the holidays. My best friend encouraged me to at least get a tree. That was a good decision. I didn't do my normal but made changes depending what I could handle. My boys and i just spent time together rememembering their Dad and exchanging just a few simple gifts. It will never be the same as before but it can be something different and good again also. It's about my boys ( are your son also) I didn't do any of it for me. Wishing you some measure of peace and good memories this season - Blessings - Lisa

Comment by Blue Snow on October 28, 2012 at 8:38pm

I wish all we widows could all get together on Christmas and have a good cry fest. [[[hugs]]]

Comment by AEDforever (Ali) on October 28, 2012 at 8:23pm

Connie, I think all of us struggle with the concept of "happy holidays" when we for sure are not feeling so happy inside.  Paul and I didn't have children together, his kids and my kids were grown. We shared 3 Christmas's together, and I made sure that we had a tree and decorations because it was special to me. I don't know how I am going to feel, but I'm sure there will be some sad feelings for sure. I will join Pauls family for Thanksgiving and Christmas as was always our tradition, but it will be hard without him there for sure. I plan to still get gifts for his kids if i am able to financially, because I am sure they will be missing him to, and at least a gift from me will somehow let them know how much i love them.  I want to also try to take a day to do something special just for me, maybe something that my husband wouldn't have wanted to do with me..something girly, so that I can continue to find ways to build a life that is just for me now.  ((hugs)) to you, I don't know how we get through it except to just keep breathing.

Comment by Dianne in Nevada on October 28, 2012 at 1:57pm

Ah Connie - this is a tough one when you still have kids in the house. I guess my advice is to do what feels right for you ... don't feel obligated to do what others expect you to do. Of course, you need to consider your son's wishes as he is grieving, too. Talk to him about it honestly and maybe you can come up with something that will work for both of you. Be kind to yourself.

I don't have young children at home ... so I chose to run away that first Christmas. I didn't want to be around all of the office holiday parties and gift exchanges, so I took vacation leave and went to Key West for the first time. It worked perfectly for me. No gifts, no baking, no tree, nothing. It was what I needed at 3 months. Last year I thought I could do the tree, so I put it up ... but never was able to put the ornaments on it. And that was ok. This year? I'll try again.

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