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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

He left a void in my life every which way possible

4 years, 8 months, 5 days later

My Hubby left a void that affects every aspect of my being.

Acceptance was rough and very difficult.

My ears eyes mind knew he was gone and would not ever come back.

My heart my spirit my soul would not accept this.

When I lost him it was not only that one day but every day all over again.

Molding and creating this new me that I don't recognize anymore.

First it was learning to live without him and the resistance behind it.

Then actually living without him. *sigh

Not missing him less but missing him more with every passing day.

My non-widow friends have no idea what this is like.

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Comment by Toniadpt on October 24, 2015 at 7:11pm

It has only been 3 months since the passing of my husband. It is comforting to read that I am not alone in my feelings. It is hard for me to see past today, but find strength that you and others were able to move forward. I know it's not going to be easy. This wasn't the road that I was planning on taking. I'm now having to pave a new path and it sucks. And you're right, no matter how much support we get from our non-widow friends, they will never understand. My thoughts are with you.

Comment by Callie2 on October 23, 2015 at 3:00pm
I share Sad One's feeling of loss. Her words ring true for many of us, I am certain! I still yearn for my husband and still think about him every day even after almost seven years. I am a lot stronger now and maybe more in control of my thoughts and able to move forward. By this, I mean, that sadness and hopelessness is no longer all-consuming and in front of me. I can place it off to the side which enables me to resume life without it blocking my way. It is something that happens with time, we need to heal first and that means feeling all the pain and grieving first. Acceptance comes at some point and for each of us, that timeline can be different. What has helped me a lot was to try and count all the blessings throughout my life, kind of looking at the whole picture, so to speak. We all grieve differently but often share similar feelings. I thought Sad Ones post was heartfelt and touching. It can also be helpful to let these feelings out and share them with others as many of us do here.
Comment by Jim on October 23, 2015 at 10:38am

Hi Callie.  I read your comments here (Oct. 15, at 5:11 pm)...and just realized that a drop of my tears slid off my cheek on to my arm...everything you said here applied to me.  I found myself "talking" to Mel, my wife's nickname, and then started to weep when I realized she is no longer here.  She's gone forever...and I would sob some more...

Thanks for reminding me that life is a gift...I've spent so much of my time thinking of all the things we accomplished together and how content I was for that life to continue. Its hard to look for happiness at this time.  I know that needs to be done.  However, the thought of seeking it without Mel crushes me.  Your supportive comments is reassuring.   Continue to pray for me.  Thanks.  

Comment by Callie2 on October 15, 2015 at 1:11pm
Sad One,
It's not the life we planned and is natural to have these feelings. It can be overwhelming at times to have to deal with all the things our spouses used to take care of. We miss them and the closeness we once shared. Not easy! Yet, we need to remove some of these thoughts from the foreground and forge ahead. It's hard enough dealing with a loss but then we realize, we are really alone and possibly may remain that way. Our lives had become so entwined with our spouses, alone is a scary thought! How often I would think to myself, oh, I have to remember to tell Bill about that! Every day upon waking, I would have to remind myself that it wasn't a bad dream, he is no longer here!

Life is a gift. We need to focus on our own lives and try to find some happiness. I often remind myself how lucky I was to have had the opportunity to love and receive such unconditional love. Many people never get that chance during their lifetime. I will always be grateful and treasure the many memories we shared. I wasn't prepared to lose him so suddenly without the chance to say goodby, however, we all know we won't be here forever. I can understand your feelings but I hope you don't allow it to cripple your progress in moving forward with your life.

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