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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

I was told that I am in love with Patrick more now than when he was alive because I am making him out to be the perfect husband. I will be the first to say that Patrick was far from perfect.  Like everyone he had his flaws.  We had our fair share of problems.

He was the type of person that broke things when he got mad.  He would fly off the handle over weird things.  He was one to make spontaneous purchases that used to drive me insane.

There are many other things I could list.  But why?  I want to remember the good times.  I want people to remember or know Patrick for the good things he was.

  • He was the type of person that you couldn't help but like.  He had that personality that caught hold of you and didn't let go.
  • He always tried to see the positive side of things.  Even when he couldn't breathe and barely walk 20 feet, he would find things to laugh about.
  • He never let his heart problem stop him.  He played baseball, hockey, marching band, loved to ride his bike, and his goal was to drive a monster truck.  If he couldn't do it, he would find a way around it.
  • He would always go out of his way to check on people.  If he hadn't heard from someone for a while he would call to make sure they were ok.  If they didn't answer, he would get in the car and drive over to make sure they were ok.
  • He loved his kids.  He couldn't do a lot of things normal dad's could, but he made sure he found other ways to spend time with the kids.  Even if it was just a country drive talking to them about anything and everything.
  • He spent his entire life being sick and in and out of hospitals.  He didn't let it stop him, even when he was in the hospital.  He used what he had been through to help others, with the ACHA (Adult Congenital Heart Association) and Donate Life.

I could go on and on.

No he wasn't perfect, but I want to remember him for who he was and not the mistakes he made.  I want the kids to remember the good times.

My mom rarely has anything good to say about my dad anymore and I hate it.  I was 14 when he died.  I was a child.  I didn't, and still don't, want to know what kind of problems they were having.  I want to remember him as my dad and the things we did.

I want to give that to my kids.  They deserve that, and Patrick deserves to be remembered as the good person he was.

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Comment by Pat on May 5, 2013 at 5:38am

Good for you.  Love your attitude!

Comment by dublin53 on May 1, 2013 at 3:12pm

Dear Sam- I love that you want to remember the good- Bravo to you! I have been told that I have made my husband into a saint now that he's dead. I may be doing this,  but what is the point of remembering his faults? He was just like all of us, human.I have plenty of faults and regrets.  We grew up together and were suppose to grow old together but that didn't happen. I would rather keep the good stuff close to my broken heart than let the  negative poison it. I cannot change anything but I can decide to live without becoming bitter. I owe that to our  boys and I owe it to Kevin.                                                                                 I I I think its wonderful that you want to remember the good person your husband was! 

Comment by Morgana (Janet) on May 1, 2013 at 12:13pm

Sam, people are people and they are not here going through what we are.  Remember the good in him and yes the bad to because that was who he was.  The good out weighs the bad but we as widows/widowers knew our spouse/partner better than anyone else because we were with them for 24/7.  Hugs sweetie.


Comment by Lori on April 30, 2013 at 5:14pm

That is just fine to remember the good sam!  some observers are not happy with us unless we are miserable

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