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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

I went to a funeral today of an old friend from my teen years.  She was the grown up daughter of the neighbours next door.  She was an air hostess, which I considered a glamorous job and I'm betting I shadowed her more than she would have liked when she was home visiting her parents for a few weeks at a time.  She went on to become a nurse, had two marriages and over the years we sort of kept in touch.  Today I met her nephew and his wife and her step-daughter and her family.  It felt good.  It felt like a happy ending.

I have felt a little out of touch since Ray's death and I think I am slowly reconnecting with life, with old habits and old friends and that is having a healing effect.  It is okay to isolate ourselves, to hide and lick our wounds but sooner or later we need to get back out in the open again.  I think I am doing that now.

It is easier for me to reconnect with people, socially and privately as it is summer.  It is easier to meet for coffee or a light lunch while we have long days and a couple of hours out of our day is not a big deal.  So for those in the dark of winter no reflection on you if you are choosing right now not to do this, the right time will come for you. It is all easier in summer.

I have a dear friend who went through a horror divorce.  She went to a counselor and the counselor said: "Go back to where you were, reconnect with friends who have known you through good times and bad.  Know that they love you even when no-one else does." It was good advice and I was one of the friends she reconnected with.  The problem is that we live 12,000 miles apart, she in England, me in Australia but thanks to modern technology we can still share our thoughts and our memorable moments and enjoy a rich friendship.

I have had my younger son here, coming and going as he cleaned out the rental house and made all the arrangements to make a move to a new area work.  It has been good to have him here as company and we both know that when he goes tomorrow it will be a while before we see each other again.  But again due to modern technology we can keep in touch by email, Facebook, phone and maybe Skype if he can get that connected.  There is no need for me to feel isolated from him and his family.

I still have periods of grief but also have periods when life feels normal, or at least doable.  I just have to know what is okay and what is a stressor and be kind to myself.  I am looking around now for companions to share my journey with.  I don't know how that will all work out but as we know the world is full of widows and widowers so surely I will find friends among them that will add something to my life and I to theirs.

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Comment by Diane on January 25, 2014 at 3:37am

Beautifully said, Sue.  Thank you for posting this.

Comment by Morgana (Janet) on January 23, 2014 at 1:39pm

Thank you so for this uplifting post. I am 26 months out and have been to reconnect with old friends and get back out among the living. It is hard and yes we do tend to hibernate the year or so unless we have young children. I'm glad you are beginning to get out and reconnect with friends. If I ever make it to Australia I hope to meet you and so many others that I have talked with on here. Hugs to you.

Comment by only1sue on January 23, 2014 at 7:59am

Angel, 16 months for me but my Ray was a year in a nursing home before that so I guess that gave me thinking space and makes a difference. i know it is tempting to isolate yourself and I did that too early on but now realise that life has to be for living. 

Comment by Wanderer530 (Bernie) on January 23, 2014 at 3:06am
There is much wisdom here with a lot of real life practicalities. I especially appreciated the positive tones and really just how you are very much in charge of your perception of life and your place in it :)

What a refreshing voice of Healing. Peace, AND ode to Life and Living!

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