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Here's Why You're Going to Be OK.

My neighbor Marguerite died on Monday of cancer. She was 57 years old. I didn't find out until Tuesday morning around 8 a.m. Two hours later I got in my car to go to Pilates class and blew right through a stop sign and almost crashed right into another car. I was able to stop about 2 inches before hitting metal. I wasn't thinking about the road I was on or the fast moving steel I was driving; I was thinking about how I had just seen Marguerite the day before, and how sad I felt to think of Rob at the very, very beginning of the long road of recovery from the loss of a spouse.

 

Rob and Marguerite were a very romantic couple, very obviously completely in love with one another. In the 15 years that I have lived across the street from them, I had only seen them display love, affection and contentment with one another. Ugh. How will Rob manage without his beloved Marguerite: gardener extraordinaire, gourmet cook, feisty business woman, full-spirited lover of life and woman of distinctive manner and grace?

 

I think Rob is going to be OK, and here's why:

 

He had a wonderful marriage and he knows it. He knows that he loved well and was loved well in return.

 

When Marguerite experienced a recurrence of breast cancer in 2009, twelve years after her first bout with it, I never saw either of them show bitterness, anger or denial. They were accepting and hopeful.

 

Rob knows how to laugh. He knows that perspective and humor can take the rough glass edges off of pain and sorrow.

 

He is already reaching out to others. He's open to the abundant support that is ready and waiting for him.

 

He knows that despite the incredible loss he's just experienced, he was incredibly lucky to have had a wonderful marriage.

 

___________________________________________________________________

 

It is painful for me to think about Rob being at the very beginning of his loss when I know so well how long the journey to renewed happiness can be. But at the same time, I feel like I just know that he'll be OK.  I remember very well how I promised myself five years ago that I would not let Ken's death destroy me. I knew I would have to overcome the loss of him and our marriage so that I could honor the life that I was so lucky to have.

 

What about you? Do you know that you'll be OK? How do you know it?

 

Take 5 minutes to write about why you know you're going to be all right. Even if you have doubts, this is the time to be confident. Remind yourself of your strength. Let your words remind you of your resilience.

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Comment by Dianne in Nevada on May 8, 2011 at 12:54pm

I started a response to this a couple of days ago, but my computer crashed in the midst and I forgot to come back here. Fuzzy's response today is spot-on for me, too. 

I know I will be OK because that is what Vern would want and "there is no other choice." That doesn't mean that every day is going to be a good day. I miss him, and know that I will always miss him. There are still tears - and tears will continue to come when I'm far beyond the current 7 month mark. But as I take one day at a time, I know that he is with me ... cheering me on when I make progress, pushing me along when I need it, and holding me close when I don't feel I can take that next step.

Comment by gcortez55 on May 7, 2011 at 8:51am
Nurseman, if you don't see that everything will be okay one day then that's OKAY. just know that you are not alone, we too are traveling through the darkness too-with you.
Comment by Lisa ( Marielee) on May 5, 2011 at 8:57pm

Jill,

Tough subject. I do believe  that I will be ok even though I don't feel "ok" right this moment. It is a day by day , moment by moment walk towards that hope that keeps me going. Life is hard and we have learned this lesson well. I have faced a tough childhood, Cancer , son on drugs and now the death of my husband by suicide. This one is the toughest by far. Losing my husband rocked me to my core, made me question so much of myself.  I am having to start again. Who am I? What do I need and want in this next chapter?  Didn't ask for this journey but am not going to just lay down and just give up. My faith is in God. I know no matter what my life is covered by him.  I have lived a life of faith and hope and I will continue to do so. I will be ok and then again I think we all will evenutally.

Blessings.

Comment by NMWidower on May 5, 2011 at 8:09pm

Jill,

 

Oh this is a hard one for me today.  Today the future seems so gray and hard to see.  I do know that The Lord is with me in this journey.  that He promised never to leave me or forsake me, o be my comforter and that he is near to those of a broken heart.  I know he orders and directs my steps and that He brings beauty out of ashes.  That is the hope I cling to!  Ack but certain days it still "feels" hopeless and I hold on by faith.

 

but I know now I dont have to stay in the pain or the hurt or the loss forever.  Life can be found again even if it seems slipperier than trying to catch a greased pig right now for me!  I knew the day I hit my 100% looking forward mark that life COULD be found again and that I really DID want to live again.  I think that decision for me is a big part of my hope but the stregth to get there is certainly rooted in Christ.  I know in my weakness I cant do this but in his I can. 

 

there is a new Matthew West song called strong enough that talks about this it says

"Cause I'm broken
Down to nothing
But I'm still holding on to the one thing
You are God
and You are strong
When I am weak

I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough"

Here is the video link if anyone is interested: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBJwA0I8P-4&feature=share

Amen!  I think this also helps me realize I WILL make it through this.

 

Pat - NMWidower

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