Let's see... I am 4 years, 10 months out and this will be my 5th Christmas/5th New year without my beloved Husband of 27 years upto when he passed, but 32 years to date.
I find the winter holidays irritating now, sorry to say it, but without my Hubby, things irritate me, and the holidays do this to me even more so. Yes, i realize the meaning of Xmas, a time for peace and joy. And I am blessed with having my 2 Grandsons close by, ages 9 and barely 9. But ...... The togetherness of "happy" couples all around me irritates me big time this time of year.
Is it bitterness? Is it jealousy? Is it loneliness? Is it feeling left out? Is it lack of happiness? Is it the void I carry around? I don't care what you call it, one or all of the above! I am 54 years old now and gimme a break but I can't fake "happy" and can't force it either. Yes, I count my blessings! I love my 2 grown children and my 2 Grandsons!
I find myself becoming more cynical. I try not to nurture it. My cynical beast.
Anyway, Facebook, aarrrrgh, i find it irritating filled with pictures of my friends and their spouses.
I anguish over what I had and lost. I miss my other half.
But I will put my head up, look the other way, and with irritability, will move on somehow.....
Here's hoping we all have peace and joy!