Since my wife has died (I hate saying that), I am not sure I will ever enjoy life again. It is still really early for me (almost 11 weeks), so I know that this is expected. I suppose I relied on her to much for my happiness? Since she has left this world, my happiness has left this world with her. I have 2 daughters, and I always enjoy being with them, but now there is a piece missing. It is a really big piece, life is not complete. I feel that I took it all for granted, I thought I would always have her. We had alot of fun times together, we did alot of stuff, but I feel I put things off for later. Now I have regrets, I wish we would have done this, and I wish we would have done that. She was always the type of person who lived like it was her last day. I wish I could have been like that. I try to get out of the house and do something fun, but I just can't seem to find the fun in it. Today, we went to the mountains, it was nice outside. It shoul have been a great day, but I constantly think of her. If i go somewhere, or do something, it brings memories of her. If it is something without a memory attached, I think how much she would have enjoyed this. I just don't know how to live, and have fun without her. The way I feel now, I never will. Is this my future? A life of sadness, a life of aloneness? Is this my sentence for loving her so much? Do I need to break down and get some meds from the doctor? I have tried the first 9 weeks with nothing, the last week I tryed St. Johns Wort, a natural remedy. But, it does not seem to be helping. I know the only person who could help me get through this is her, and she's not here. We were supposed to always be there for each other! I hate to get on meds, because I worry about my girls. Also, I don't want to be dependant on them. But, at the same time, I don't want to feel like this! I know I have to be here for my girls, and I need to be better so they can be better. I'm just not sure how to go about it, I am lost and confused without her!