How do we get out of this hell?

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Comment by bad ass widow on September 16, 2012 at 9:45pm

Ash, as hard as it is, you need to start focusing on yourself.  Get yourself in for a complete checkup, start eating right and when and if Willow takes a nap then you should too.  I agree with Fred and Ali, pick one postive thing each day to focus on. I know you dont believe this but it does get less hard.

(((hugs)))

Comment by AEDforever (Ali) on September 16, 2012 at 9:43am

Ash...honey. Listen to Fred. And baby, you gotta try to take care of yourself. I know it's hard. It's hard to care about yourself when you feel you don't have a reason to. but you do have a reason to get up. you have wb. and eventually, you will get up because you have YOURSELF to get up for. these are the things my old trusted therapist told me to do when i felt lost and unable to cope: Go to bed early. Eat. Take your vitamins. Find at least one small thing to look forward to (a movie?, a lunch date?...anything that focuses on the future). Nothing is going to take away the pain of losing your love, but treating yourself with love and tender care (as Gene would) will help you to burden that pain. Of course, I give better advice than I take, but I have been doing these things past two weeks and do feel better.  Maybe we can help each other?  I will remind you to take meds if you will remind me! msg me and tell me what time u are supposed to take them. i used to have an alarm that went off everyday at noon and midnight to remind Paul to take his medicine, so I am experienced.  Love you Ash.  Text or call me anytime babe.

 

Comment by hendrixx2 on September 15, 2012 at 2:23pm

Hi Ash,

Understanding that you are experiencing those emotions and the mental fogginess of grief is your start; you know that at some point you will continue because you have that little girl to guide forward.  Right now everything seems out of sorts, the impact of the loss has you in shock and bewildered...you understand these are all part of the process, but your understanding is becoming hard to believe in because of all of this.  Take each day as and find you one thing to work on, try to actively focus on something you really want to do...I am sure you are going to do what you need to, in order to insure that WB knows what a fine 'daddy' she has...

Comment by Lori on September 14, 2012 at 7:41pm

yep you are so right it does suck. it gets better or so I've been told.  Fortunately it's by people I can trust because they've been here.  So i guess i'll wait, what choice do i have.  Waiting sucks ass!

Comment by Jerry on September 14, 2012 at 7:16pm

It's been 33 months since my wife passed away and I still have times that I feel like crap. Not as often, but just as bad. I have grown married children. One soon to be divorced, so right now I feel that she needs me both financially and emotionally. She took the loss of her mom hard,and I know it kill,her if I was not around. I don't fear death, but hope to stick around to see things settled in my lifetime. When I was a kid i often thought about how I would feel or react if my mom passed away. It happened after my wife died, and although I was very close to my mother her death has not seemed to phase me at all. I did every thing that needed to be done to settle her affairs, but have not grieved at all. I have discussed this with a therapist and he tells me it is PTSD. A way for my mind to,protect itself. All I know is it makes me feel guilty not to have been saddened by my moms passing. She was 88 and it was not a shock when she passed. And she was not afraid to go to the other world. But with a young child you have all the reasons in the world to live. Do it for her and your husbands spirit. Stay strong for them.

Comment by bj628(Bonnie) on September 14, 2012 at 4:28pm

((((((((((((((((Ash)))))))))))))))))))  Life gives us HARD blows, pulls the rug out from under our feet Why. I don't have a clue.  I know you are having a horrible time with the migraines, and I so wish the Dr could find something to work for you. I also know you can't always take them as you have dear, busy WB runninng around.

I know you have heard this a million times.. Willow B is your reason, to watch her grow, to keep her daddy in her heart.  To watch her go thru these wonderful 2's to her other firsts. pre-school, kindergarten.. and all the rests.

No it is not easy to get up, or even be motivitated.. this is all part of our pain.  and then somedays, I am almost... frantic to get things done. Is this the next step?  I go back and forth. I see things to be done, but then I think who cares... and then I get spurts where i get a lot done.

Taking care of yourself, eating, drinking enough water.. staying hydrated.. Going to the Dr for the migranes. and if you can keep a journal of what you ate.. or what you were doing when the migraine hits, may help the Dr find the right medication. 

Sending BIG BIG Hugs to you sweetie.