A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
I Did It Myself
About fifteen years ago, I had a huge physical crash that put me in an electric wheelchair for five years. Since then my health has improved a lot and I now use an electric scooter for more than just short walks. Jud was a wonderful caretaker. When I collapsed in exhaustion, he came home from a long days work and made dinner. When I would feel sorry that he had to do so much, he would say, "I am just sorry that you feel so bad." He was a kind husband and a great man to spend a life with.
Enter Cancer. It is a good thing that I was getting healthier. Through the fourteen months that Jud was sick, we went from him pushing me in a wheelchair at the airport to both of us being pushed by airport help. During the last three months, when he was very ill, I had a great surge of adrenalin and was able to nurse him through.
Enter Death. It has been fifteen years since I have maneuvered an airplane flight alone. Getting me from Minneapolis to Rapid City wasn't easy. In fact, i seemed to take a village.
I planned the trip to attend the wedding of a dear friend's son and to sprinkle the rest of Jud's ashes in the Black Hills I was able to get the tickets online by myself. First time in quite awhile. Good enough. Jud had always done this. Then there was planning the trip with my scooter. Help! I sent out an all call to ten of my able-bodied friends. On Saturday night, team A arrived and took the manual wheelchair (that was on top of the scooter in the back of my van...another story) into the house and brought in the battery to be charged. On Sunday night, team B arrived and put the battery back into the scooter and took my suitcase to the car. On Monday morning, team C arrived to drive me to the airport and get the scooter out of the car.
I am so grateful for my friends. Truly. They were wonderful. But honestly, I was so exhausted from the planning and the logistics that I was really to call it all off!
We got to the airport on time. Jud had always kindly put the scooter together. I had watched very carefully the last couple of months but my mind does not easily absorb such mechanics. Thank God, Barb, my driver, had those skills. Together the two of us got the scooter together and I turned on the key, ready to go. It didn't go. After twenty minute, we found the button that was stopping everything. I was off and rolling. I got to the gate and realized I had forgot to call the day before and ask for a bulkhead seat, necessary to avoid extreme let pain. Luckily they still had one.
I arrived and was greeted right on time with big hugs by my friends. Thirty minutes later, we were still trying to figure out how to take the seat of the scooter off the body. Two nice men stopped and help us take the chair off the da** scooter. It took maybe...two minutes. Jud always did this part. I had watched to carefully but I had missed a tiny step.
When I got to my friend's house, I opened my suitcase and discovered it had been examined. Apparently, they were very interested in the white powder in the sack (Jud's cremains). They had put them back in a different place...not a serious problem once I found them. When I pulled out a tee shirt, white powder fell off. All of my clothes were covered with...ashes of Jud. He would have laughed.
I have had a nap and I am glad I am here. I realize that I had a husband who had, in many many ways, been caring for me for many years. I am flabbergasted how many people it takes to make up for one Jud. I am concerned at the planning it takes to do a simple trip. We had such a rich,full life despite me being sick...because he found ways to work with it. I wonder how my life will proceed. I realize that this is the first time and hope I can find ways to make things easier so that I can travel and do other fun things.
I miss that life. Mostly, I miss him.
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Comment
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Comment by hendrixx2 on August 15, 2012 at 2:50am -
hi Suzer,
It makes me so happy that you can realize and enjoy the satisfaction of doing primarily alone, those things which you and Jud always did together. However, being that friend, you know I would expect no less from you; we will discuss ''such mechanics'' in a different venue (wink).
''I am flabbergasted how many people it takes to make up for one Jud''. Suzer I can totally relate to how this realization comes as somewhat of a shock to us. I am now making many ''extra'' steps to accomplish things which I at one time took for being such routine tasks...it is a reminder to me of just how much I depended on DJ, and just how much she really did to make life for me, for us, that much easier. Thank you for pointing this out in such an effective way. Suzer, it does not surprise me that you ''dood'' it, and I am so glad you can bask in the satisfaction of knowing that you can; it reminds us that altho this may all be 'different' for us, it is not impossible. Thank you.
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Comment by bj628(Bonnie) on August 14, 2012 at 6:12pm -
((((((((((((Suz))))))))))))) So glad you had help and I am sure trips will be easier for you. YOU DID IT!!
way to go !!! You may be able to see if you can go without your scooter.. the airport will transport you from the outside check in and to your seat.. and off the plane. Maybe whoever you visit can get a loaner scooter or Wheelchair from a local Lion's club.. You did a Great job.
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Comment by AEDforever (Ali) on August 14, 2012 at 5:44pm -
you're doing it Suz, you're doing it...life. you are an inspiration to me.
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Comment by Lynne on August 14, 2012 at 1:23pm -
So proud of you, Suz! Thanks for sharing with us, too, as It always motivates me when I hear the things that others are managing to do. The "logistics" of your trip sound fairly daunting and, yet, you did it - I hope the sense of accomplishment and of knowing your abilities and resiliency will give you a measure of happiness; even with the sadness of missing Jud. Take care, Suz...you're a pretty amazing woman! Lynne
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Comment by MsKris12 on August 14, 2012 at 12:10pm -
Good. For. YOU. Wonderful and yes you will find ways to make having fun and travel easier, each time you do it!!!
"I miss that life. Mostly, I miss him. " Really sums it all up. *sniff* ((Hugs))
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Comment by Cristina on August 14, 2012 at 11:45am -
"I am flabbergasted how many people it takes to make up for one Jud." ...I could feel it coming, but your words just tripped the tears...so clear how awesome he was, how awesome he was. I feel so strongly for you, Suz, how strong you are to have attempted this, how beautiful to imagine all your friends and strangers chipping in to replace the work of that one, irreplaceable, dear man. How powerful that you managed, and undertook, what you did. You rock, sweetie. I love that Jud found a way to give you a little tickle. It also kind of makes me smile to think of those suspicious airport security folks, (I know, just doing their job) figuring out what it was they were messing with. Oops, oops, oops and oops! Love to you, sister spirit.
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Comment by jean on August 14, 2012 at 11:36am -
way to go lady! :)
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Comment by Joyce on August 14, 2012 at 10:23am -
Suz, you should be so proud of yourself. YOU DID IT! No one can and will ever replace your Jud but now you know what you can accomplish and like Blue said each time it will be easier. I like Kim's take on the ashes. Hugs and enjoy your time there.
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Comment by Blue Snow on August 14, 2012 at 9:34am -
Wow, you are a brave woman to take on a solo trip like you did. Good for you! My husband was in a wheelchair for 12 years so I can identify with a lot of what you went through. Next time it will be easier now that you know the ropes better.
Maybe what you need to think about getting is an electric chair and scooter lift for your van so you can get a scooter you don't have to take apart and put back together each time. Even when you know how they can be a pain in the neck.
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Comment by kimkirt (KK) on August 14, 2012 at 9:20am -
Suz, I think you have accomplished a huge hurdle and I hope it gives you the confidence to venture out more and further. Sadly, no one, no matter how many, can make up for one Jud. But at least now you know what to expect when planning a trip so hopefully you will do more and they will go smoother. I'm glad Jud would have laughed about his ashes covering your clothes, perhaps that was his way of hugging you to tell you that you did it and all is okay. HUGS my friend!
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