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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

My friends are taking my decision to leave Raleigh hard. And I love them all because they held me up when I couldn’t hold myself up. I can no longer deal with being stalked at church and on the internet by his family, and people who have issues because I still make sure I look nice each day. I don’t want to deal with all the things that come at me from his family and from people who mean well...and I have to remember that all the time.

I’m tired of crying when I go on the side of town we lived on and places we used to walk and hold hands. It’s now becoming exhausting and draining. I can’t go to the place where he collapsed and the ambulance took him from on that horrible day. Being exhausted and drained in the same moment is now something my brain is losing the ability to process.

That is a dangerous place for me. I’ve been there more time than I care to speak about. And each time I regretted things and situations where people left me no choice. People often mistake my personality as a weak one. I don’t want to leave my friends and I know they understand and selfishly want me to stay. Its time for me to seek peace where I can find it.

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Comment by Tekwriter on September 7, 2019 at 12:30pm

I understand what you are saying. I am not in the same situation. My sons and I did move to a new home. It has been more peaceful for us. We are not being constantly bombarded with things that make us cry and miss him. It is not that we don't cry or don't miss him. It is just that we don't walk past the dining room table and look for him and cry, or look through the office door and not see him and cry, I do not look at the other side of the bed and cry. We are not constantly triggered by places we expect him to be. Good luck. Winston is nice. We are in a small town outside of there.

Comment by Disconnected on August 29, 2019 at 8:58am

Tell me where peace is. My husband has been dead 10 yrs. We were married 30 years. The town we lived in was our town, our friends, our church, our business. I moved 3 times in the first 3 years (I’m positive that didn’t help my mental state....I was searching).  Been in the same place now for 7 years. Still no peace. At first I did everything here I could to create a new life but the last year I’ve given up. Nothing ever felt right. I feel like I should move. I have nothing here. I’m afraid of that saying “wherever you go you take yourself with you”. My goal at first was to be a part of a community, have good friends, be active. Now my only goal is to find peace. I don’t know how to do that and I’m exhausted. I’m afraid of everything. I pray you find peace. You sound like you know what you’re doing. I wish I had that kind of confidence. I don’t know you but I’ll be praying for you. 

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