My friends are taking my decision to leave Raleigh hard. And I love them all because they held me up when I couldn’t hold myself up. I can no longer deal with being stalked at church and on the internet by his family, and people who have issues because I still make sure I look nice each day. I don’t want to deal with all the things that come at me from his family and from people who mean well...and I have to remember that all the time.
I’m tired of crying when I go on the side of town we lived on and places we used to walk and hold hands. It’s now becoming exhausting and draining. I can’t go to the place where he collapsed and the ambulance took him from on that horrible day. Being exhausted and drained in the same moment is now something my brain is losing the ability to process.
That is a dangerous place for me. I’ve been there more time than I care to speak about. And each time I regretted things and situations where people left me no choice. People often mistake my personality as a weak one. I don’t want to leave my friends and I know they understand and selfishly want me to stay. Its time for me to seek peace where I can find it.