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I Just Need to Hear "I Love You"........Full Stop

I grew up in a family that held the view of "blood is thicker than water". Growing up, my mother would often tell me that my friends would come and go, but my family would always be there when I needed them. When my significant other, Nathan, got sick and died in May 2013, I learned how wrong that statement is.  When I needed them the most, my family ran the other way.  They pretended that nothing changed.  They accused me of hurting them with my pain and said that I was killing my parents because I was in so much pain. 

 

I recognize that I am the first of my immediate family to go through anything close to this (my parents are both still alive at 69 and 70). But throughout my grief, instead of my family giving me the suppport and understanding I need, I've been angerly shushed when I needed to cry, been told that I am crazy and need a psyciatrist, and been told that my pain is hurting them. 

 

Perhaps it is just me, but why does it seem as if when they actually get them, widows get conditions on their "I love you"s?  "I love you, but you need to put this behind you and move on", "I love you, but you need to stop crying", "I love you, but you're being irrational", "I love you, but...", "I love you, but"....., "I love you, but......".   

 

I know I am being difficult, honestly there are times when I don't know what I want.  I want to be around family, but they make me feel worse.  I want to be alone, but I feel isolated.  Yesterday my mother, who has been supportive, asked me what I needed. At first I didn't know.....then I realized what it is......I needed to hear "I love you".  No conditions, no telling me what I must do, no making me feel bad for having a natural reaction to losing the life I have built with Nathan and our future together.  Just "I love you".......Full stop. 

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Comment by my roses on April 21, 2014 at 1:05am

My roses

Yes you do need love.  Relatives and friends can be real shockers regarding the "shoulds".  As I was being driven by a friend to organise Wes funeral I was told that I had lost my husband, my best friend and the love of my life.  I  felt really supported... however, when Christmas came everything changed.  I was told NEVER to speak about my husband again as they had their own memories of him.  We have been long term friends

from the early 1990's.  I was so shocked I said nothing.  Got into my car (this was Christmas Day) and drove home.  Have not seen them since.  The pain was shocking.  Perhaps have a look at the 2 blogs I have posted in the last few days. Both are a video. One is Grieving in the Outback about a Chinese surgeon who lost his wife and the other is called Grieiving in Hawaii about a man who lost his soulmate and has written 2 books about it.

Comment by only1sue on April 14, 2014 at 2:32pm

I think I needed that too in the beginning, now a hug will do.

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