Widowed Village

A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation

I’m lonely.

That’s probably not a shock.
I’m a widow.  It’s expected.
And don’t get me wrong.
My friends and family do their very best to make me feel included.
I also know that I could call a dozen people who would go with me to a movie, a meal, or shopping.
I love you all, but you are not my husband.
I’m like a solider who has lost a limb.
You can give me prosthesis for my loss, but it’s never the same.
It’s NEVER the same.
And I miss what I lost…feel phantom pain in it.
Several widows have mentored me, which is a blessing.
And I belong to a wonderful on-line support group where I can share my heart with fellow “amputees.”
They confirm that my feelings are normal…that I’m not crazy.
They get me and my aches because they are living it.
But nothing, NOTHING can take the place, in my life and heart, of what has been taken from me.
I am left with this unending solitude…this forever one-ness…even in a crowd.
It never ends.
I have no one to share my joys and burdens.
I have no one to bounce ideas with or share secrets.
I have no one to cuddle up against when it gets cold at night.
I have no one to look forward to seeing at the end of the day.
I can fill my waking hours with all sorts of activities,
But when I crawl into bed at night…
I am still a lonely widow missing the man who was amputated from my life.
27
Cyna  

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Comment by Joyce on September 12, 2012 at 4:43pm

Cyna:  Like others have said here, thank you for putting into words and sharing exactly how I feel.  Amputated....perfect description.  Hugs!

Comment by jean on September 12, 2012 at 3:46pm

nailed it!

Comment by 2mtstern on September 11, 2012 at 7:03am

Cyna, thank you.  It so well matches  my feelings too.  My forum name, 2mtstern, is short for "too empty stern."  My husband and I loved canoeing and, unlike many of our other paddling friends, paddled a tandem, he most often the stern paddler and me the bow paddler.  This weekend I and a group of our paddling friends from 5 different states are getting together to camp and paddle a river about an hour from my home.  I'll be paddling solo.  I'll feel that amputation.  Our campfires will involve telling lots of stories of gatherings past, including memories of Darryl.  I'll feel the amputation.

((Hugs)), Ginny

Comment by Marsha on September 10, 2012 at 10:45pm

Cyna so well said. Expresses how I feel. Thank you for putting this feeling into words and sharing it with us. (((((Hugs)))))

Comment by Keith's Wife on September 10, 2012 at 10:08pm

Thank you so much for putting in words what I can't.  At least there is one place I can come and I know that people "get it".

Comment by honeys(puddin) on September 10, 2012 at 7:39am

Exactly:(

Comment by Mrsbigdog80 on September 10, 2012 at 1:04am

This is how I feel also thanks for putting it into words do you mind if I use some of this to explain to friends and family

Comment by mamatrees on September 10, 2012 at 12:23am

No,it will never be the same again...i know...i feel it too.

Had a terrible night,mostly feel very lonely on sundays...

because that was our family day.

Feel amputated too,

as my husband was not just my husband,

but also my best friend!

Big hug from Belgium

Comment by Dianne in Nevada on September 10, 2012 at 12:22am

Ah Cindy ... I understand. And that's why I generally get only 3-4 hours of sleep in our bed each night. It's easier to stay up until I either fall asleep in my hubby's recliner while reading or watching tv. Then when I wake up I can crawl off to bed and fall asleep without thinking ... or missing ... or dreaming. Nights are tough ....

But I'm doing really, really well during the day.

Comment by janet on September 9, 2012 at 11:47pm

Cyna, you have said what I was feeling but could never put into words.  Thank you.  Sending Hugs your way Sweet Lady.

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