I'm not as strong as you are

Comment

Comment by alliot123(Susan) on June 24, 2012 at 9:29pm

Really what can we do but be strong and do what we have to do. Any of us who get through another day are strong. Yes we all have our weak moments but truly we only have two choices get through it or break down and spends ours living totally in the past. Our loses will always be part of who we are.

Comment by tom restored on June 22, 2012 at 10:23pm

Hi Jean.  I agree grief isn't a competition.  We each start to find our strength in different ways and at different times.  I found a lot of mine here.  And in the first year I found it in family and faith, in that order, which sustained me when I wasn't aware of WV.  To a lot of people I appear to be strong going through this.  So what - nobody sees the real me unless I want them too - though I did cry publicly a few times the first year when I couldn't hold it back.  I still cry on my own and tear up a little in the world at times.  But the people I do fess up with are here and to a lesser extent my family and closest friends which have been steadfast in their support.  The people who care the most and who I can count on to really understand are the ones like me who have had the same loss and are reaching out for help and to help.  Don't let those who are assessing your feelings get away with it.  Only you can truly judge where you are in this journey.  ((( hugs))), blessings and peace.  Tom :}

Comment by jean on June 21, 2012 at 4:28pm

Thanks you guys.  ((hugs))

I say let's Sigh AND Scream!!  And then....lets have a nice glass of wine!  Oh hell, let's break out the booze. :)  Party @ Jean's!  *tink*

 

*Crankin the Music*

 

Comment by tomdar2 on June 20, 2012 at 11:03pm

I think they won't come on here because they feel they are too weak to do it and they are also envious of how much stronger they think you are than they think they are.

Comment by Joyce on June 20, 2012 at 9:16pm

Wow Jean, I have had people who weren't widows telling me I was strong even while Tom was sick and even told me that they couldn't do it.  I have just started not listening to people.  How do they know what they could or couldn't do when faced with anything.  But, I've never had any widows say it too me.

Comment by Suz on June 20, 2012 at 3:42pm

I, too, wondered about the "grief competition" but wanted to tell you that I am glad you have the "strength" to keep moving on each day and creating a new life. I would want no less for you!

Hugs,

Suz

Comment by Sherbear on June 20, 2012 at 12:34pm

I finally DON"T have to be strong, and you know what? It feels.......strangely relieving, can't say it feels good, because now I can finally "feel" it all without trying to be "strong" just to get through those awful years of illness before his death.

Oh, yes, for my friends I'm a little more "happy" because I know they aren't strong enough to handle my "weakness" right now. They don't know what to say or do and they will usually say stupid stuff. I've had a few that realize just listening to me is good enough. I don't expect them to understand because if they did they would have lost their spouse.

Comment by Lisa (lost) Lamb on June 20, 2012 at 11:43am

I think people say it most of the time just for lack of anything else to say. Maybe its because they know how they melt down at home and don't realize you may keep your feelings more private also. I think we all do it at times, put on that fake smile out in public just so people leave us alone.

Comment by LaurieR on June 20, 2012 at 10:53am

I don't know is it envy or is it them saying that you are more able or is it them saying they are helpless.  I went to a therapist yesterday and she told me I am strong.  I think that is psycho speak for you have to do this.  I am strong I will not apologize.  But do I meltdown and I don't feel so dam strong.  I have always been decisive, am now.  No.  What kills me the most is,  I always thought I was an independent strong women. But now I realize I was only strong and independent because I had my husband to lean on when I need him.  This journey sucks but what can you do.  So like the beer commericial says Be strong my friend.