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Yes, it seems I'm flip flopping on this but my heart is really into going back to New York City. My instinct nags me that something about this move down is not right. Call it homesickness if you will but in my bones I feel something is amiss. I'm trapped, far worse than where I was in New Jersey. I'm dependent on my friends to take me everywhere, which sucks tremendously. This may sound stupid but I miss the variety of FOOD! New York/New Jersey has many different ethnic choices; I am craving for Indian food like you wouldn't believe (yes I checked, there are no Indian restaurants here).
Do I want to work for Disney? Yes, but not at the risk of loosing myself. Will I consider this a failure if I do move back? Quite honestly no. I've looked into myself and realized that I am who I am and am strong enough to move forward. This didn't work out, fine. Move back to New York City and start all over again there. What do I have to lose? I've already lost my dear husband and am surviving. If I can survive THAT I can survive anything that comes my way. The most important thing is that I will always have God and John with me wherever I am. I believe in Him, I believe he has a plan for me--just not here in Florida.