A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Typically October would have been considered my birthday month. As I got older I opted for a more subtle birthday week. My birthday always falls on Columbus Day weekend. Bill and I always looked forward to this weekend --albeit more me than him I as always anticipated I would receive unsolicited presents ;) -- we would either go to his favorite place, our cottage, or make plans with friends and most likely take a ride down to the beach and enjoy the beautiful fall weather.
Today my son, Alex (22), and I went for a drive to the beach. Its a short distance from his home at school. I brought my camera and was excited to see the cool place he wanted to show me that had cliffs and a great view of the ocean. I was hoping to get some nice shots of Alex mixed in with the scenery. We walked down the path just a short way when a couple, about my age, walked by us holding hands with a small cooler apparently going on a romantic rendevous. Tears began to sting my eyes. I turned on my heels and started walking back to the car explaining to Alex I had to leave. I wanted to be them! I wanted to be with my husband strolling carelessly as if we had all the time in the world together!
Bill and I started dating when I was 16. We were inseperable from the time we met. We also bickered from the time we met! lol We were kids and we grew up together. We faced many trials in our 25 year marriage and managed not only to stay together, but also stay in love. It wasn't always easy I can assure you that. There were many times I thought I should just divorce him it would be so much easier. I never could have because I loved him so deeply. I miss him, I miss his hugs/kisses and I miss his friendship. Bill was my best friend.
I feel so lost and so displaced. My husband and I planned our future together. This WAS NOT it! We had yet to celebrate milestone birthdays, see our children graduate college, greet new daughters-in-law, welcome future grandchildren and grow really old and wrinkly together.
I do not like this plan and in case anyone wants to know if I had wanted to be alone I would have divorced my husband years ago!