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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

I'm not going to apologize for this. I have a pet peeve. If you want to blog, fine. But I you want to use this site as an "advertisement" for your "other" blog, don't ever expect me to read it.  This site, and the people on it, saved my life. I take offense to those who post here with a "link" to their "other blog".  This is supposed to be a "community" of people who share their pain, challenges, hopes, etc. 

I would say, post here with no "links" or don't post at all.

We don't need more self aggrandized authors, we need support.

Just my opinion.

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Comment by Nieta on September 7, 2016 at 12:23pm

Well said, SweetMelissa2007 and PointBass.

We all have enough on our respective plates without having to entertain self-appointed group monitors with judgmental comments/opinions.

If I don't agree with a post, I simply overlook it.

Peace to all.

Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on September 3, 2016 at 8:52am

Years ago, I was on a different widow website where there were constant flame wars. Not only was it disheartening that people in pain were attacking eachother, they were forming cliques to get rid of those they didn't like by disclosing personal information, exposing their identity, their exact location -, making up lies -it was a shame. The website shut down, but was resurrected months later. Unfortunately, it is on the same dangerous path.

My point is loss obviously creates anger, resentments, sensitivity, unreasonable hostility  -we want people to only do or say what we want. Problem is, it has never been like that for any of us and it will not change even in our darkest hour. Sucks, but we are the people most notably making adjustments -the rest of society does not have to b/c it is not their calling for now. Everyone has a right to be here. I, myself, had an issue months ago w/a widow who made it absolutely clear she did not care that she was neglecting her children or cared what they thought about her marrying a man who made it transparent he did not want them. And not one person called her out on it except me. Fortunately, she found another widow here who shared her sentiments & off they went. I also find it annoying that one person in particular comes here to receive praise in an effort to stroke its self esteem; avoidance works well. It's up to each person to ignore what they do not like.

The thing I have noticed about the 2 bloggers being discussed here is no one has posted questions to them asking about their intentions or start a conversation. I do know one requires an e-mail address to read more, perhaps she just wants like minded friends. The other blogger is trying to maintain a positive attitude while also trying to connect w/others. This is a very difficult & dark time for everyone. Grief goes on for many years as well as the need to come here for support, so please be kind while traveling together.

Comment by Pointbass on August 31, 2016 at 3:48am

I personally don't mind when someone links a more "commercial" site to their writings here. If it seems to have appeal, I'll click, if not, I'll pass. It is fairly evident when some post here just for the sake of establishing the link, particularly when they have no participation in the general site (the Groups, Forums, etc). But I can see the annoyance for some, to a large degree that's why I generally stay away from FaceBook ... the commercialization, ads and pushy listen-to-me-I-know-what-I'm-doing lectures are just too much for me to tolerate.  So I stay away ...

But I don't want to stay away from here, so many of you have excellent experiences that I can learn from. That doesn't mean I agree with all of it but I sure appreciate the viewpoints and food for thought from everyone. I like to read it all, both the positive & negative, the happy & sad, because I'm experiencing all of it myself. We all go through this with different experiences, and I don't think any one is better than the other, just different.

Since this is a volunteer service I'd guess the moderators are quite overworked for the (I guess?) no compensation that they receive. I'm not sure how something like this is controlled, and it would be a shame to see such a rewarding service-based site become a stepping stone for outside advertising through blogs. I just don't know how they would control it. It's an interesting discussion, thanks for bringing it into the open. Peace, Ed

Comment by AEDforever (Ali) on August 30, 2016 at 6:37pm

Right On, Laura Jay.  I try hard not to be preachy, or give advice, with the exception of my last blog which just says "if you are gonna kill yourself, please don't, because things can get better".   I am of the opinion that simply sharing what is going on with you is way more powerful than any "here's what you need to do" stuff.  Because Life is freakin HARD, and NO ONE can presume to know what you are going through.  I cannot STAND blogs that talk about "I met this amazing person on my last retreat" stuff, because a lot of us are simply trying to make it through the day, dodge the bill collectors, and have a place to live.  When someone uses this forum to advertise their business, or espouse their "10 steps to healing", well, it just pisses me off.

Comment by laurajay on August 30, 2016 at 9:40am

Maybe bloggers and would be authors should have a spot to post their links separately for those who do not mind advertising or are curious--a place away from community sharing?   just a suggestion

Comment by Hope on August 30, 2016 at 5:26am

I agree with this. I am finding that sites are being invaded by book authors and bloggers. No links is fair.

Comment by laurajay on August 29, 2016 at 9:23pm

I never click onto a link in a blog from a person with a blog/website elsewhere so I appreciate your pet peeve Ali and agree  with you but there is the option of not going to the  link. More than the link is a bother,  I am annoyed by someone telling their story- which is fine- and then  asking questions of the reader as if they are counseling them with their questions to think about.  I don't come here to be preached at or told about what I should think about or do...I don't want questions posed at me from unknown people. I don't want other people telling me their opinion of my options-  that's personal. I am happy to read someone's story here and give a word of support if they ask  but please if you want to preach or suggest that you have answers or advice that is yours and you want me to follow it-   don't-  write a book  instead. Don't mix it in with the community sharing here.  And please...we are all different...don't preach that everyone can or even should have the same outcome with their loss of their spouse. ...it's not true nor proper to blog your ideas   here.  Just state your facts as they pertain to your own story.   It's what we all can do to keep harmony and not sound preachy or invasive.   Thx Ali.  I've had this to say for some time.    Just my opinion.  I get tired of scrolling past the unsolicited  not applicable advice that pops up in the blogs.

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