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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Today was my birthday. It was unusually cold for the 4th of June with wild winds and heavy rain. I anticipated a nothing doing sort of day but decided to go and have coffee with the Muffin Break gang (mostly six to eight older folks) as I usually do and my daughter came and found me there. She said she had come to take me out to lunch which was lovely. She had checked my home and church first so third time lucky. She wanted her coming down to be a surprise and it was.

Tonight was our Lions Club Changeover dinner which is a special night if somewhat more formal than our usual dinner meeting. I got some hugs for my birthday which was good, the meal was quite nice and the company cheerful. The man who used to harass me has left the  Club so I now get on with all the other members some of whom I have known since Ray joined in 1983. We lose a few  members each year as they move away, go into retirement homes or die, this year we gained a few which was good. A lot of  Clubs fold because of low member numbers. Ours fortunately had a good year.

I have finally had an appointment to go to the Pre Admission Clinic for the brain surgery so I go down to the Clinic at Sydney hospital next Tuesday. There is always a long waiting list so it is always a case of waiting as long as it takes. Patience is becoming my watchword. I am not anxious to have the surgery but know that it is for the best. After being a member of a Stroke Recovery group for 18 years I know what could have happened if I decided not to have the surgery and because of the aneurysm had a stroke instead.

The short grey days are with us, tonight it was dark by 5pm. I hate the short bitter winter days but I can knit, sew, read, spend time on the computer, email or phone friends, there is always plenty to do. The garden is tidied up, the grass will slow in growth, there will be less to do outside. I play Wii games and do Just Dance to keep active. I wish I could join other Grey Nomads and head north to warmer climes but alas my medical problems tie me to this place at this time. I am in a holding pattern.  Better luck I hope next year.

I have not been able to plan ahead for a few years now. I don't think that is a bad thing, but it just feels like I have less  choices. As an older person I do get a feeling of time passing and not acieving the things I had planned. And the feeling that time is running out. Maybe married couples have that same feeling but I know that a lot of my widowed friends do.  "What am I supposed to do with this part of my life?" we ask each other. I am out and about in the community with pastoral care work but because there is no feedback and of course no pay it feels like it is not worth much as a way to spend my life.

I got some pictures of the wedding I was to go to in England. Not the same as beng there but at least a glimpse of the dress etc. I can't travel far from home now. But I live on a beautiful part of the Coast so once the rain is over and the sun is out again I can put on warm clothes and venture forth, finding new places to drink coffee etc. I have small groups of friends I meet up with year around so it is only a matter of ringing around and lining up dates.

Once  I have a date for the surgery life will change again. I just have to be patient. 

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Comment by barbee on June 25, 2019 at 5:52pm

Brain surgery has got to be scary. The anticipation even worse. Please keep us informed of the date and the expected recovery time

so we can keep you in our thoughts and hearts and prayers until we see you back here again. HUGS.

Comment by only1sue on June 19, 2019 at 4:01am

Time seems to be going slowly, winter is always like that. It was a short overcast day today, followed by a long cold night. I am keeping as busy as I can but the waiting is getting to me now. I hope I can get some of the things on the "to do list" done.

Comment by Norma on June 17, 2019 at 6:57pm

Good luck sue.  

Comment by riet on June 8, 2019 at 9:02am

Happy, birthday to you Sue.  All the best for your surgery

Comment by laurajay on June 7, 2019 at 12:03am

sSue---Your courage  and optimism in all your  posts has always shown through  to us here at WV. Every reason to believe the Lord will be with you  during  your surgery  and recovery  so you can resume  your  pastoral  ministry  with  even  greater  faith  and  compassion.  Fixing up loose ends is vital for every  senior...before  we forget  what the  loose  ends  are and how to  fix them up!  Be of good cheer, my  friend.          lj

Comment by only1sue on June 6, 2019 at 10:23pm

Looks like the operation will be mid July. That gives me time to fix up a few loose ends "just in case". Everyone says "you'll  be right" proving we are still a nation of optimists.

Comment by laurajay on June 5, 2019 at 12:16am

sue- as I've  mentioned  before  I keep you in my prayers.  Yes,  getting  old  raises  questions  and new challenges  for certain.  After 6 mo of seclusion and pain  with  shingles  I pretty  much  go one day at a time now. .Just too  difficult  to plan when  every day  brings  changes of some sort.  Here it is plush green  spring  with  long daylight...winter  does  me in so glad it's a ways  away  again.   Glad your birthday  was  shared  in the company  of friends  and glad it was  happy.    lj

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