Today was my birthday. It was unusually cold for the 4th of June with wild winds and heavy rain. I anticipated a nothing doing sort of day but decided to go and have coffee with the Muffin Break gang (mostly six to eight older folks) as I usually do and my daughter came and found me there. She said she had come to take me out to lunch which was lovely. She had checked my home and church first so third time lucky. She wanted her coming down to be a surprise and it was.
Tonight was our Lions Club Changeover dinner which is a special night if somewhat more formal than our usual dinner meeting. I got some hugs for my birthday which was good, the meal was quite nice and the company cheerful. The man who used to harass me has left the Club so I now get on with all the other members some of whom I have known since Ray joined in 1983. We lose a few members each year as they move away, go into retirement homes or die, this year we gained a few which was good. A lot of Clubs fold because of low member numbers. Ours fortunately had a good year.
I have finally had an appointment to go to the Pre Admission Clinic for the brain surgery so I go down to the Clinic at Sydney hospital next Tuesday. There is always a long waiting list so it is always a case of waiting as long as it takes. Patience is becoming my watchword. I am not anxious to have the surgery but know that it is for the best. After being a member of a Stroke Recovery group for 18 years I know what could have happened if I decided not to have the surgery and because of the aneurysm had a stroke instead.
The short grey days are with us, tonight it was dark by 5pm. I hate the short bitter winter days but I can knit, sew, read, spend time on the computer, email or phone friends, there is always plenty to do. The garden is tidied up, the grass will slow in growth, there will be less to do outside. I play Wii games and do Just Dance to keep active. I wish I could join other Grey Nomads and head north to warmer climes but alas my medical problems tie me to this place at this time. I am in a holding pattern. Better luck I hope next year.
I have not been able to plan ahead for a few years now. I don't think that is a bad thing, but it just feels like I have less choices. As an older person I do get a feeling of time passing and not acieving the things I had planned. And the feeling that time is running out. Maybe married couples have that same feeling but I know that a lot of my widowed friends do. "What am I supposed to do with this part of my life?" we ask each other. I am out and about in the community with pastoral care work but because there is no feedback and of course no pay it feels like it is not worth much as a way to spend my life.
I got some pictures of the wedding I was to go to in England. Not the same as beng there but at least a glimpse of the dress etc. I can't travel far from home now. But I live on a beautiful part of the Coast so once the rain is over and the sun is out again I can put on warm clothes and venture forth, finding new places to drink coffee etc. I have small groups of friends I meet up with year around so it is only a matter of ringing around and lining up dates.
Once I have a date for the surgery life will change again. I just have to be patient.