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inlaws
my husband of 27 years passed away last month. He had cancer. my inlaws , who he never had a close relationship with, they never had time for him especially after he was diagnosed. They are now acting like the entire loss is theirs, to include writing their own obit in their local paper that was all about them, not him. Now they have paid for a service to keep the guest book open permanently. This is a great stress to my son and I. My husband would have not wanted this. He would have wanted people to remember him prior to his passing. This is to pacify their own guilt, and the fact one of them contributed to bringing on his passing sooner. I am so angry
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Comment
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Comment by chez2all on October 19, 2012 at 5:06pm -
In-laws are curious creatures. I have 2 sets now...the first is only now beginning to forgive me for living when their son died nearly 12 years ago...I have maintained a relationship with them for the sake of our 3 kids and for my husband (it hasn't been easy but I've learned to just take time out from them periodically and accept they don't really want to be part of my life). When their son died I ceased to be part of their family in their eyes.
The 2nd set has taken me under their wing and accepted me as part of their family. We have regular contact and even though we live 2 hours away they feel comfortable 'dropping by' when they are in town.
So I have a mix of inlaws...and the first made me incredibly angry for a while. I had to accept that they felt the way they did if I was to maintain that relationship...12 years later they now talk to me!
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Comment by judy on October 19, 2012 at 11:54am
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Clare - so sorry you have gone through this. I thought I was close to my inlaws before he passed and when he was sick. But at the hospital, my brotherinlaw would pick me up on a Thursday after work and pick me up on Monday (the hospital was over an hour away). Between that time no body would come. After he passed, my brotherinlaw stuck by me - but after the grave was done - I don't hear from him either. He had 2 brothers and 2 sisters. Very sad that this happened - I know my husband wouldn't be happy that they had abandoned me also. It is their loss - of what their brother and son could of embrassed of who he adored the most. Very sad - trying to let go of this now.
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Comment by carolynne on October 19, 2012 at 9:20am -
Clare, I'm so sorry. This is such a common theme among us. You're right, it's about their guilt. Try not to let it get to you. (((hugs)))
Steph - Yes, their loss!!!
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Comment by Lori on October 18, 2012 at 11:56pm -
so sorry for you lose, so glad you found this place. take care
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Comment by AuntT on October 18, 2012 at 10:49pm -
You are so right. my inlaws were the same way. I was heartbroken after my husband passed and they abandoned me. They were so supportive while he was sick. They never had much to do with him before that. Now they are so sad and sorry but treat me like a stranger. I dont care anymore. its their loss not mine.
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