So 19 months tomorrow and I am starting to come to the realization that I am not interested in the things I 'should' be doing but I am interested again. I went through a relationship recently which was supposed to be friends and I tried to keep inside that line but my mind slipped well beyond that and when I let the emotion of that out, I scared off my friend and lost a really good friend. It happens, the emotion of two people who lost someone very close to them colliding together clearly can make things hard. Depending on the strength of your grief, it can be hard to have empathy for someone else's. That said I did gain one very important thing from the relationship that makes the pain and the grief of losing it worth it. I started to find interest in something else. I find that I am truly interested in other people, in talking to them and increasing my interaction with people. I also find that my interest in doing the job I am currently doing has decreased. I am not ready to leave my job, I don't know yet how to start to apply my new interest to something that pays the bills, but it is clear that finding something that excites and keeps me interested is going to be important to my further growth. Once, when in college, I had thought of studying psychology and maybe I will consider that, but I don't want to be the broken person who tries to help others, so I guess I should also make sure my mental house is in order.
I don't know about others, but it is interesting how easy it was at first to just exist, to be the person others expected, to not move or change or adjust anything. Keeping to the routine was painful, yes, because it highlighted what was missing, but it was easy. I could easily accept that the pain was there and needed to be there. But as time went on, the routine changed because it always must. So now I start to look back at my time recently, sharing and talking to another person more directly, and I find I am truly ready to explore something different, to remove some of what has become unhealthy in the routine. I need to find things that are me and mine, things that I do not we did. It is somewhat funny that I have no habits that were mine, I have no activities that were exclusively mine, I have nothing that I like that she didn't like.
Has anyone found new hobbies or activities that they started after they lost their person? New things they find to be exciting and interesting?