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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Hi, I found this site looking for someone to talk to about my loss. Family just isn't able to help me. Everybody seems to be going on with their lives 2 weeks later. My husband passed away from Hodge kin's Lymphoma. He had waited too long to get checked out and the tumor had crushed his left lung. Admitted him into ICU because of difficulty breathing. Found he then had pneumonia in his right lung. Stayed for 2 months never got off the ventilator. His right lung began failing due to scar tissue and I was forced to take him off life support. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. He was only 32 and I 26. I feel lonely, have 1000 regrets, and feel like I'm having an identity crisis. I don't know who I am or how to live without him. I was with him since I was 19. I feel so horrible. The last year of my marriage was rocky and unstable. He was suffering from PTSD and substance abuse stemming from his deployment. We were separated for 3 moths over the summer and then I got back with him. He started sobering up and getting clean but then we found out about his cancer in January. After that his health went downhill fast. I'm so mad that I didn't have the chance to make better memories with him. Sometimes I feel like I was a horrible wife. I wish I had pushed him harder to get checked out sooner when I noticed his chronic fatigue, bad cough, and weight loss. But I sort of attributed it to his drug and alcohol use. I almost think he knew and was afraid on some level because he kept putting it off until he started getting weak. when he passed he was unrecognizable. Gaunt, bald and nothing like the man I knew. That last memory of how he looked is starting to fade but I still remember how skinny he was. I'm still crying everyday and lonely. Need people to talk to my family just don't get me.

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Comment by Frozen_Rose on April 6, 2014 at 8:03pm
Thank you all for being supportive. I haven't been on in awhile as I was just too depressed to do anything for awhile. I started working again and it helps distract me and get me to actually do something rather than mope around.
Comment by LaurieR on March 28, 2014 at 5:52pm

Hi

My husband died on April 8, 2012 (Easter Sunday) of a sudden cardiac event??.  What I learned in the last 2 year are: Family do try but unless they lost their love they have no clue.  Guilt is part of the grieving process. ( cut yourself some slack- addiction sucks (my husband smoked pot 4 times a day and drank too much on occasion).  You did your best and that is all you can do.  If you want to chat e-mail me.  I love this site there are many caring people who understand what you are going through. 

Comment by Doug02122014 on March 23, 2014 at 9:45pm
Frozen_Rose

If you need someone to listen, I'm on here a lot and willing to help over the web. I'll be the 1st to admit I am still new & am in need of much advice myself, but just talking is good therapy. My wife passed 2-12-2014 of a long term illness and I "get it" to loose the love of my life as well as I "get it" to have family be NOT AS SUPPORTIVE as they should be.

Sorry for your loss & here for you on Widowed Village. Now that you have found all of us here you are in good hands. A lot of great people on here. They have kept me afloat.
Comment by Lisa ( Marielee) on March 23, 2014 at 8:55pm

So glad you found this site and the people here. This is so new for  you and I am so sorry friend that you need to take this journey.  This site saved my life early in my journey. We get it here. Everyone has similarities and differences in their particular stories but we all have loss someone we love. Keep coming back here, reading, chatting and let others walk this path with you even if it is only over the internet. Sending you hugs and wishing you some comfort of peace tonight. 

Comment by TracyB on March 23, 2014 at 8:47pm

I'm so sorry for your loss. Many of the feelings you talk about sound very familiar. I too have regrets about the months before my husbands death and often wish I was a better wife to him during the short time we were married. We all do the best we can under the circumstances we find our lives in. I have found a lot of comfort in this site and hope you do too. It sounds like your loss is very fresh...be kind to yourself.

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