Hi, I found this site looking for someone to talk to about my loss. Family just isn't able to help me. Everybody seems to be going on with their lives 2 weeks later. My husband passed away from Hodge kin's Lymphoma. He had waited too long to get checked out and the tumor had crushed his left lung. Admitted him into ICU because of difficulty breathing. Found he then had pneumonia in his right lung. Stayed for 2 months never got off the ventilator. His right lung began failing due to scar tissue and I was forced to take him off life support. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. He was only 32 and I 26. I feel lonely, have 1000 regrets, and feel like I'm having an identity crisis. I don't know who I am or how to live without him. I was with him since I was 19. I feel so horrible. The last year of my marriage was rocky and unstable. He was suffering from PTSD and substance abuse stemming from his deployment. We were separated for 3 moths over the summer and then I got back with him. He started sobering up and getting clean but then we found out about his cancer in January. After that his health went downhill fast. I'm so mad that I didn't have the chance to make better memories with him. Sometimes I feel like I was a horrible wife. I wish I had pushed him harder to get checked out sooner when I noticed his chronic fatigue, bad cough, and weight loss. But I sort of attributed it to his drug and alcohol use. I almost think he knew and was afraid on some level because he kept putting it off until he started getting weak. when he passed he was unrecognizable. Gaunt, bald and nothing like the man I knew. That last memory of how he looked is starting to fade but I still remember how skinny he was. I'm still crying everyday and lonely. Need people to talk to my family just don't get me.