Is the Glass Half Empty or Half Full?

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Comment by missinghugs (fran) on September 4, 2012 at 7:03pm

I loved reading all those posts here.....because this is exactly where I am.  I am 10 months out and the feelings of sadness and lonliness are stronger than ever.  My husband and I were married 33 years and we did everything together.  He was a wonderful husband and father.  I know he would want me to go on and enjoy what life has to offer, but how do you...when half of you is gone?

 

Comment by sks on August 15, 2012 at 12:35am

Becky,

I understand just where you are coming from.  I myself have always been the other half of Ralph and Sherrie.

We had been together since I was in high school. Married right after I graduated and lived for him. I'm not sure how and what I need to do to make this ache go away or subside just a little. I physically hurt for him. I miss him so much. My Ralph died Thanksgiving night at home with all his family and close friends by his side. He had a short fight with the dreaded cancer, was diagnosed Feb. 8th 2011 and died 11-24-11.  I think that I went through Thanksgiving and Christmas, New Years and the rest of the holidays in a blurr. He and I went together like peas and carrots and shoes and socks. This sock misses her shoe so very deeply.

Comment by bad ass widow on July 28, 2012 at 8:52pm

I have gone back and forth on this.  Sometimes everything is crummy and sucks and other times I see the positive in things.  I am really trying to go more for the positive.  What I do depending on the situation is remind myself to live in the moment and to truly see what is in front of me.  Most of the time I am successful,   If it doesnt work at that moment before I go to bed, I try and do it again.  Sometimes it is the smallest of things, like I didnt stub my toe on the stupid dog bone in the middle of the floor or I didnt set the smoke alarms off when I made dinner.  LOL.  It works for me. 

(((Hugs)))

Comment by Poppys Girl on July 28, 2012 at 3:53pm

Hi,

Had to respond as I am in the same place you are wondering if there ever will be joy again and at the same time feeling guilty as I do have many blessings. Married for 35 years, I feel so incomplete without him. It will be two years in September and I am still so broken. I will soon turn 57 and it scares me to become older without him by my side. 

I really don't have an answer except to trust God. May you find the joy and peace you seek.

Sincerely, Poppy's girl

Comment by Dianne in Nevada on July 28, 2012 at 3:19pm

I understand, Becky, and while I may not have the answers for you, I can share what is working for me.  I'm at 22 months and was married for 41 years. Being "Vern & Dianne" is all I've known since I turned 18. I'm now 61. I don't want to date, don't want to remarry. So I knew I had to figure this out in order to survive.

I miss my husband and know that I will miss him every day for the rest of my life. I’ve accepted that because there really is no other choice. Memories, music, experiences can still bring on the tears, but they aren't tears that bring me to my knees now. Acceptance is a really big part of this, I think.  If we expend our limited widowed energy in wishing things were as they used to be, living in the past, wanting the life we have lost, then we have no hope for our future and we can’t possibly move forward.

So I had to find a way to get comfortable with being alone, to accept being 'just Dianne'. Is it what I want?  Of course not. But it is what I have to do, for me, and actually for my husband, too. I know it is what he would want, what he would expect me to do. I've had to work at this, work hard at it.  I’ve made it a choice, a focus. What do I want the rest of my life to look like? What's important to me?  What can I offer this world in the time I have left?

I’m not always successful, but I just keep working on it, little by little. It’s the only way to find what works and what doesn’t.  I bought tickets to the Broadway series at our new performing arts center. That may not sound like much, but it was huge for me because I was spending each weekend inside, not getting dressed, not going to the store, nothing.  Spending money on these tickets has forced me get out. I even went alone to the last show when the friend I invited to go with me became ill. That was really hard to do (and I came very close to not going) but it worked out. I learned that I could do it … alone … and survive.

I spent a couple of days sightseeing in Charleston before driving up to Myrtle Beach for Camp Widow in April. A lot of ‘firsts’ in that one. And I survived.

Moving forward does not mean we loved less than someone else. It does not mean we are leaving our loves behind. It just means that we CAN do this. It’s not what we would have chosen, but we can honor the loves we were blessed with by working hard to see that the glass is truly half full for us.

Comment by Marianne on July 28, 2012 at 1:56pm

It's been eight months for me and I feel more sadness today than I have in the past.   Watching the opening of the Olympics was hard for me as we had watched every summer and winter Olympics for 28 years together.  Every evening we watched.  It was our thing.  I was sobbing once the fireworks started and Hey Jude was being sung.  All the things we use to do as a couple are now being done alone and it's sad. Not being woken up on Sunday morning with the smell of bacon frying and blueberry pancakes waiting for me is sad.  The hugs before work and before bed are missing and it's sad. I am hopeful that one day the glass will be half full again but right now it's pretty empty.  

Comment by honeys(puddin) on July 28, 2012 at 11:40am

I'm only 11 weeks out so I have no clear answers for you.  I hope you find some sort of peace soon:(