I recently had surgery. It wasn't planned and it caught me off guard to be smacked in the face with such a surprise and listening to a bunch of medical jargon, possible outcomes, and options while I was still coming out of the anesthesia. I'm very grateful that I had a friend stay with me until my daughter showed up but it wasn't the same. I wanted my husband by my side telling me everything was going to be alright.
I could see the scared look on my daughter's sweet face the morning after surgery. She was trying to be calm and hopeful. Did I look like that too when my husband was in the hospital? Were the same anxious thoughts racing through her mind again that she might lose me also? Is this how he felt when he was suddenly forced into a hospital bed, weak, helpless and confused?
My last night in the hospital around midnight another patient was admitted and put in the bed next to me. The curtain doesn't really block the sound so I could hear her husband kiss her good bye and tell her he would be back in the morning. I got tears in my eyes wishing my husband was there to comfort me. The next morning after talking to this sweet woman I found out that she was also a young widow at the age of 48! (She's now 75 years young). I would have loved to talk to her more about how her journey in widowhood but I was discharged before we had a chance.
You would think facing these unexpected scenarios of life without him wouldn't be so hard after 6 years. I miss him terribly and wish he could kiss my scars and tell me I'm still beautiful and everything is going to turn out alright.
This is just one more step in my journey. It's going to be okay.