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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

It will be three years in a few days...

I have not been regular here .Trying to 'live' takes effort and a lot of time.Am I the only one who feels lonesome watching love stories ?
Its near to three years and I miss him .Miss having breakfast together,miss him holding me in bed,miss him because suddenly I seem to have become this available woman .Why do I feel vulnerable that men think I look younger than I am ?Married men think i should be grateful for their advances .
I feel frustrated that this is my life and I am incomplete :(

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Comment by Denise on November 7, 2015 at 7:45am
Hello ,its me again .Running back as it were when things get too much .When you have this image of being this strong woman it makes thing tough .Noone realizes you are breaking up inside . Noone knows Noone must know ....
Comment by Callie2 on October 14, 2015 at 2:04pm
You are probably not quite through grieving but to be honest, I still yearn for my husband after almost seven years. The only difference I believe, it is not so consuming. For me, memories are less painful and more cherished. Time is the only thing that helps. We shouldn't compare ourselves to others and feel we should be further ahead regarding healing--it's a very individual thing and is not linear so be patient. We all have these triggers, some we are able to avoid but there are some that hit us from out of the blue. I have become desensitized to many things that one time made me tear up. These times have become less frequent but still, our minds can recall things without our trying.

Don't think of yourself as incomplete as you are not that at all. We arrive here alone and leave the same way! We can be happy remaining independent or we can chose to look for a partner at a time when we are settled and feel ready. That way, you won't feel vulnerable but confident. The last thing you should want to do is allow someone to take advantage of you with the way you are feeling right now! Hope you keep your chin up for now as I believe things will change for you soon!
Comment by laurajay on October 10, 2015 at 10:05am

Denise.  You are not incomplete.  You are fearfully and wonderfully made by God and have everything you need to live and love and flourish.  I am at 3 1/2 yrs (last week)  and I understand your feelings of yearning and wanting your husband's presence back!  It has not gotten easier or softer for me at all.  I cope and do not give up or give in-but as a senior life is truly a challenge being alone 24/7.  You can be sure married men and men in general tend to look upon widows as vulnerable--after all we are lonely and needy.  Nevertheless we are nor stupid or desperate or without standards so it's best to ignore such tasteless advances.  I thought I would meet some nice man to become friends with---not for romance  but to spend time with-  dining or going  for a    walk or watching a tv show  etc.  but that does not happen.  When you/ve had the best...others fall short and that is no reason to settle for less than you want or need.    As for romance/love stories...yes  you can get the weepy feeling inside with no one there to hold you, touch you or more  but life is what    it is now...distraction works and rechanneling your love also helps-  so many need  love-the elderly, the very young---try spending time with them and greet and leave with hugging...  try activities you like-not what others say you should be doing...if you are meant to be with another man again  I think it will come not be looking for him but by leading the life you want doing what you want and keeping as busy and happy as you can alone or with friends or family...for now.  You will/we will never stop missing them-nor should we  but life goes on in a million ways...we can choose to join in and see what happens...all in good time.   Make that effort to "live" because just around the corner  might one day be a wonderful surprise  you cannot see now.   lj

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