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Today some very bad thunderstorms were passing thru the area. I am really scared by thunder and lightning. When Tony was at work he would call when he knew the weather was getting bad. He would talk to me as long as he could to calm my fears. When the thunder and lighting would strike he could hear the shakiness in my voice. He would say "Its ok baby its just a big boom boom it will pass " I would laugh because it would sound so silly to have to talk to a grown woman that way.
I have had many challenges in the 7 months since he has been gone. I have not been able to just grieve his loss. I have to worry about the things that I thought I would never have to. The repairs , the lawn etc.... Of course the biggest challenge has been financial. It is so over whelming on most days. So today as the weather began to scare me and I cried because he wasn't here to call me I thought about something.
I closed my eyes and I could here him clearly. Its okay baby its just a big boom boom it will pass. So are these challenges I am facing . I have decided I will approach these emotional storms that will come my way with his words ~ they will pass as does the bad weather.

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Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on August 9, 2018 at 4:08am


That's the best kind of coping mechanism - your Tony's words to you ...

Comment by Rainy (Misty) on August 9, 2018 at 2:56am

I like, that only you may want to hear Tony say Babe, it's a sonic boom!  Hang in there Bay!  XO

Comment by MartyG (ver. 2.3) on July 10, 2018 at 2:15pm

He is always just in the next room....remember ?

Comment by riet on July 8, 2018 at 11:02am

Dear Bay, 

It is just as you describe it: you have to worry about so many things "he" took care of.  The repairs, the lawn and the finances.  His beautiful garden changing into  a  jungle.  How can I arrange his things.  How can I part of the things he collected with all his heart.  Not possible at all.  When I think about all that, I sometimes  almost get a panic attack.

I am not that far as you yet. My dear husband only passed away last April. I so hope to see and hear him as I close my eyes.  But for the moment I only see him in his last months when he suffered so much.  

People say this will pass and the beautiful memories will return.  For the moment I watch a lot at our photos from the time before his illness.

It helps sometimes and I know I had such a good and lucky life with him.

I have to find strength in that.

Comment by Athena53 on July 5, 2018 at 2:04pm

Bay, would earplugs help?  My son was afraid of t-storms when he was younger and his babysitter gave him a set of those industrial ear protectors.  It was funny- he was smart enough to know the noise was still out there but it just didn't bother him.

My husband Ron LOVED a god thunderstorm- he'd stand out on the screened-in porch and just revel in it.  Sometimes I do that now, too, and think of him.

Comment by shellybean on July 5, 2018 at 12:39pm

It's so good to "hear" him talking you through. <3 I "hear" several Marcus-isms when I need them too.

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