Ive Lost Control

It’s been a little over a month since my husband went home to be with Jesus.  I have felt a myraid of emotions on a daily basis. It is amazing how memories of the  what you used to share with your spouse can bring you comfort and torture all at the same time.  There is an ache in my heart and a void that I feel will never go away.

I have had to constantly reminded myself during these last few weeks that God is in control.  God allowed my husband to be taken from me in that accident.  He knew exactly what would transpire before and after, yet He allowed it.  At anytime, had God chosen to, He could have intervened and there may have been a different outcome, yet He allowed it.

In 2 Corinthians 12:9,  God tells us  ”My Grace is sufficient for you for My power is made perfect in weakness.”  I mentioned that scripture in my last blog but never before have I understood that scripture like I do now.  I am in agony in my sadness and it is totally apparent that I have control over little.  His Grace and my dependence on Him is what is keeping me from totally losing it.  His Grace, love and power is what is giving me the strength to not give up. 

I think for the first time in my life, I don’t want the control.  I have been completely broken.  And ya know what? I’m okay with that.  In my weakness I know that the wisest thing for me to do is allow God HIS rightful place as the one in control of my life. 

I keep asking God “so now what do I do?”  I have no idea what God has for me in the future.  It may be filled with long suffering or perhaps a joy that I have not yet known.  He said His Grace is sufficient for me.  I think that is all I really need to know.