Jonathan, you S.O.B

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Comment by Sherbear on July 25, 2012 at 3:00pm

Yep, I remember sitting up in bed one night, shaking my fist in the air at him and yelling at him "Why did you leave me to deal with all of this alone!". So, I had it out with him :(. I still get angry when I think of all I have to do alone now and how much it seems like a double burden! Everything takes twice the energy to do it seems!

 

I throw things also. I finally set up a place outside int eh backyard with a tarp set up on a frame I made with PCV pipe. I have some thrift store find and a case of cheap glasses a friend bought me. Every once in a while I'll just go out there and throw something.

Comment by lovie on July 25, 2012 at 11:48am

Susan, releasing anger can be so therapeutic.  Getting the anger out may allow you to think more clearly to tackle the other issues you are left with. Wishing you luck in resolving them and rebuilding your life and future as you envision it to be.  

Comment by Suz on July 25, 2012 at 9:09am

Good for you, Susan. I was furious with Jud the first two months which wasn't very attractive! People all around saying how wonderful he was and I was saying that he sure left all this in a mess for me. He also was the only person who ever loved me unconditionally and I, him. I loved being with him and we were just headed into a great retirement when he (who was never sick) got PC and died fourteen months later. I also remember thinking of that escape clause (love how you describe that...lol) i was in shock. I thought this was forever! 

So, so sorry about your loss. It happened to so many people. That truly sucks. You have every reason to be angry at all of this, Susan. 

Fondly,

Suz

Comment by smit09 on July 25, 2012 at 8:52am

susan.

totally understand.

sometimes my anger strikes, and i know my hubs death was beyond his control, but still... being the surviving spouse can be extremely aggravating.

peace and healing.

Comment by topwag (Becky) on July 25, 2012 at 8:03am

Way to go girl. Glad you can get the anger out. I only have had anger at myself for not keeping him alive. Intelluctually I know it wasn't my decision to make but I am one who if I put everything into what I am doing I can make it happen. Not this time.... I was running trying to find a treatment and cure before the death march caught up with us. Wasn't met to be. I wish I could blow some anger off directed at someone or something other than myself.

Comment by chez2all on July 25, 2012 at 5:48am

Go for it Susan, anger is a powerful emotion and for me, I found it helped with many frustrations I had to deal with alone.  One day I sat beside his headstone and unleashed a tirade against my dearly departed first husband for leaving me with 3 young children to bring up on my own, for leaving me with no means of support, and worst of all for leaving me with his mother to deal with!  How dare he!

So go for it Susan...let it all out.

Comment by Lisa (lost) Lamb on July 25, 2012 at 5:10am

I still have no anger, just sorrow. Maybe that's why I feel so stuck still. I've tried but I just don't feel the anger, well truth be told I do have anger but at everyone but my husband. I'm so glad you can get it out. (((Hugs)))

Comment by Sunflower37 on July 25, 2012 at 1:50am

Susan, I'm so sorry...hugs to you. this grieving thing is such a B*^%@!

Comment by Marsha on July 24, 2012 at 2:23pm

(((((Susan))))) This is part of the process and damn it I got mad as hell at my husband. So mad he didn't take better care of himself and he left me. Wasn't suppose to happen to me! Isn't this what happens to other people? Well guess it was my/our turn. Sucks big time. It's ok to get mad. We need to get the anger out. Sending hugs and love your way.

Comment by Ccdague on July 24, 2012 at 1:18pm

I understand. I think my exact words were "goddam you to fucking hell!"
It was cleansing and I cried afterwards. I had smashed wine glasses to clean up and I sobbed my way through it.
The sun came up the next day and I was still alone.....but I kept seeing Denny's half smile and hearing him say....good...get mad...now maybe you'll accomplish something. Still guiding and loving from beyond the grave....
Love you pookie.......

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