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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.
Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.
We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."
In my opinion, there is no time frame on anything pertaining to grief and how we handle the loss of a loved one. Just remember.......one day at the time & we do the best we can until we can do better.
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My Don has been gone for 3 1/2 years, and I still have days where I have intense tears, then I'm okay for several weeks. I don't know what sets it off, but I welcome them and let it happen. Lately It's been because I am moving shortly, not out of our home together because I did that six months after Don died, but out of this home I bought by myself and into an independent senior living situation. And I had to surrender my dog. Lots of changes ahead for me, but I am looking forward to it because (I hope anyway), I can get myself out of this awful limbo stage and settled and accept my life. With no responsibilities of a home or pet (even though I miss her terribly, she needs a home where she can run), I plan to get back into life.
Some people find comfort in knowing what to expect as well as a projected time; it can make it easier to recognize a change & its meaning ...
There are no parameters for how anyone handles or copes w/the loss of a loved one; certainly, there are choices ...
At the same time, there are reasons for ones feelings during grief that give explanation to irrational thoughts, behaviors & actions. Some simply do not want to believe, know or understand the rationale - it is yet, another choice ...
The grief buddies I traveled with were in my time frame -widowhood within months of one another. I suppose it could be said we were all programmed the same as human beings -we experienced same changes somewhat close together, but nowhere further than a year apart. I felt it brought great solace in knowing I was not alone, having people to refer to for help & being aware of possible changes to make my journey somewhat easier.
We all strive for individuality, identity & purpose. Problem is it comes during raw grief like a tornado w/the inability to separate each one into an individual category. It makes for anger & confusion as well as a rebellious attitude thinking &/or saying outloud; "don't tell me how to grieve" or "don't tell me what to do". Its all par for the course w/ decisions to make at each fork in the road
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