F-bomb alert. If you find them offensive you might want to skip this short entry.
It is all really too much.
Today I got up at 5:30, made breakfast, made Sophie's lunch, cleaned the kitchen, looked at old photos with Samantha, had an informational interview (person was 20 minutes late), came home, played with Samantha (that was nice), got lunch out, looked for a dresser to replace the broken one, stepped over the piles of clothes that need to be placed in a dresser, went to the library, took Sam to the pool, helped Sam with a project, walked the dog, made dinner, watered the plants outside, brought the garbage cans and recycling bins back, finally found someone to take care of Lucy (dog) next week, wondered (with some guilt) what I need to do to take care of my injured mother who lives 4.5 hours away, worked on my website-don't really understand how to build it or how to use the templates, realized I screwed up and spent $200 on a custom domain for no reason-could have gotten it for free from web host, spent more than an hour trying to understand my mistake, live chatting with 2 different web service providers and figure out if I could correct it, corresponded with our council man regarding the murder that took place on our street, am I crazy to let me 11 yr old walk in the neighborhood by herself?, cleaned the kitchen again, had both girls clamor for bedtime cuddles at the same time, was told by one very skinny daughter that she "feels fat" and thinks she looks puffy (WTF?), same daughter rubbed my back when she was cuddling and made me keenly aware that no one has touched my skin or given me a back rub in over 2 years. And now it is 10:00 pm and the house is a horrible mess because all summer I let it go to bit by bit and I am sitting here wondering if I will be able to sleep, will I ever find a decent job, not even bothering to think about a new love, and what the fuck is this life?