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I came across a necklace with this simple sentence, Just one more chapter.  Immediately I thought sheesh isn't it enough to wear your heart on your sleeve, now it's going to hang around your neck.  Of course, widow brain kicks in first, I'm sure it was really meant for book lovers.  It made me stop and think how many times I've probably given thought to words spoken, read or even pictures with "widow brain" and had myself into an uproar over nothing. 

Never once have I ever since this journey began have I stopped to think. Am I using WIDOW BRAIN or plain ole brain?  Now that I have done so, I can look back on some of my most upsetting, unsettling episodes and I realize I might have been wrong.  I can tell ya, it isn't a good feeling.  I have sat by over the last 2 years and watched bridges burn, I've (surly) made folks feel like crap Dixie Carter style, I kicked ass and didn't care about names.  Without realizing it I may have turned into my own martyr. I miiiight be slightly dramatic but yeah, I'm a bit red-faced.  I owe a few folks (the ones who either look at me like they are waiting for my head to start spinning or get deer in the head like looks when I spot them in Wal-Mart then proceed to feel an urgent need to get to any other isle than the one I'm on.)  So for the 2 ladies and one gentleman, I will suck it up and apologize.  To the one gentleman who elicited a very firm FU, I stand by my FU.  After all, I don't throw those around lightly.  I wonder, have I just learned a lesson on mindfulness? 

I was my sweethearts "just one more chapter".  He isn't here to tell you guys this so I'll say it for him.  I was a damn good last chapter.  Jerry isn't my last chapter, I can't foresee the future so I don't even know if he'll be my best chapter.  I just know that my time with him will always be cherished.  To think about turning the page... it's heartbreaking.  The truth is our pages are turning.  I'm trying and often failing at really LIVING, but the important thing is to keep trying, right? 

Soooo, how/when do we get rid of Widow Brain?  No matter what the next chapter(s) bring to us, we will always be widows.  It stands to reason there will always be times when the widow brain reacts first. Personally, I hate every aspect of that painful fog of widow brain syndrome.  So if you are like me, and hate it too-here is what I've found to be truth.  TIME, PATIENCE, MINDFULNESS, PRAYER AND REPEAT AS OFTEN AS NECESSARY. 

As always I am so thankful to God for what I've had and so grateful for the chapters to come.  Peace ya'll.

 

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Comment by chef (John) on January 29, 2020 at 5:28am

"... I'm trying and often failing at really LIVING, but the important thing is to keep trying, right? ..."

It is indeed. We also tend to forget that "the master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried." As to "widow brain"...Eh! It comes and goes--at least that's been the case for me, and I expect that to continue. I also think you have a good outlook on how to handle things. 

Comment by Don on January 28, 2020 at 12:54pm

I'm starting to think that widow brain isn't such a bad thing. There are lots of things I'd love to be able to forget. 

I love that you are talking about a next chapter. 

Comment by Doug02122014 on January 24, 2020 at 6:25pm

Misty:

I've noticed on my journey my widowed brain tends to come back one-month prior to my angelversary which happens to be real soon; 2-12-2020.  This year is going to be 6-years since my loss and I have noticed my mouth-vocabulary filter has been M.I.A. for a few weeks now and to compliment that my tolerance of dumb-ass people has decreased as well.  For the most part I just withdrawal because I've found that people who make me mad aren't worth my time. 

As for when I noticed my fog lifting it was right after I met my 2nd chapter wife Tamela.   My mental clarity was coming back slowly as if I were being woken up from a surgery by nurses and the anesthesia wearing off.  Coming out of the fog was a process though.  For the longest time I felt like I had one foot back in the living world and 1 foot still very much in the grief world. 

As for finding your next chapter I'm really glad you are open to this should be in the cards.  I know I only virtually know you but I believe you will have a 2nd chapter.   Just remember not to settle for anyone who is not up to your standards. Be sure  to let whoever you date know that they have a chance with you and that you haven't put your chapter 1 way up high on a pedistol that's unattainable by them.  One night on a long distance phone call with my now wife Tamela she said "you sure did have a lot of love for your 1st wife Darlene, will you have the same amount of love for me" ?  Without hesitation I said NO, I Will have more love for you  because after loss I learned to not take anything for granted.   I said you will get all the love I had for Darlene and more  !  You know what a great relationship is and there are men out there who actually respect and cherish women.  

Best wishes for finding Your 2nd. Chapter  !

Take care. 

Doug 

Comment by Kris63 on January 19, 2020 at 2:57am

Well stated. I think we may all have slipped and done this. I know I have and am trying to be more mindful of my reactions.

Comment by MidnightBear (Tony) on January 18, 2020 at 6:57pm

Misty -  Been there done that.  I have generally swallowed my anger and walked away with the person not knowing why I suddenly went silent.  My girlfriend notices that I get this cloud over my eyes every once in a while when she asks me about something and I am stuck trying not to look like a fool.  Sometimes people say things they mean to be innocent and it triggers that sore spot in your heart and you just flinch or lash out.  Try not to be too hard on yourself, but certainly, if you have it in you, apologize to those who deserve it.  

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