A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Lady in Black
When i was in my early twenties I worked as a waitress in a diner.
There was a woman who used to come in a lot, a "regular" i guess you would call her. She was always dressed in black. Black from head to toe. She was very curt, and very angry. Whenever she came in, we would try to bargain or trade to get out of waiting on her. she was a miserable person. Very joyless. At some point, I remember asking someone about her, and why she was like that. "Her son committed suicide". "When did this happen?" i asked. Twenty years ago. that hit me. It had been twenty years,but to her it was as if it happened yesterday. This woman was literally "clothed" in her grief. Apparently forever.
I think of her these days, and wonder, if she is still wearing black, still mourning, still angry, still utterly devastated. And then I think, "I don't want to be like that".
I don't want to live the rest of my life in sadness and anger. I want to grieve my husband, my love. It's such a huge loss.
I don't know how long it will take, but I don't want it to take my lifetime. I've already lost so much. How can I let thissteal the rest of my life?
No, I cannot.
And so today, I smiled at those who smiled at me, laughed when something was funny, and said Thank You a lot
I want to live again. I want to be happy.
I don't want to live "clothed in grief" forever.
Views: 87
Comment
-
Comment by AEDforever (Ali) on July 20, 2012 at 10:26pm -
so, yes...i seem to have turned a corner..only with intention though. which may be the most important thing,but i don' know. i know that i still weep bitterly, i still get angry, i still wonder what to do with myself in the evenings and on weekends..but yet..i am doing things. i am signing up for classes. i am taking late night swims. i am going to a chapter meeting of a business association i belong to. i seem to be inching towards "doing" while i am yet "grieving". in my case, i feel i have no choice but to hold it together, but yet, we always have a choice. so i can pat myself on the back for choosing to live...even when i have no stomach for it.
-
Comment by suebru (Sue) on July 19, 2012 at 10:53pm -
Thanks for this beautiful post....it touched my heart :-)
-
Comment by Rebirth.Tanya (Tanya) on July 6, 2012 at 12:11am -
Love this- thanks for sharing... <3
-
Comment by Vickie MN on July 5, 2012 at 9:52pm -
I am so happy to see you turning the corner. Come, let's take a stroll together, and see what life has to offer us! :-)
-
Comment by kimkirt (KK) on July 5, 2012 at 8:53am -
Ali - I am glad you can recognize that we need to smile and be happy. It's a tall order and some days so very very hard, but we brush ourselves off and pick ourselves up and continue on this journey. Hugs. Thank you for this inspirational post.
-
Comment by Suz on July 4, 2012 at 10:38am -
Ali,
That was really beautifully spoken. I am pleased for you and hope i can follow your good example. I know that i don't want to stay "clothed in black" but I sometimes feel I am starting over, again and again, to get myself out of the hole of grief. And then, there is that balance in allowing myself to grieve, as well.
I honestly will think of this when i find myself needlessly wallowing or missing out on life because of clothing myself in that black dress.
Hugs,
Suz
-
Comment by SallyStarre on July 4, 2012 at 7:34am
-
Well said Ali.
-
Comment by lovie on July 4, 2012 at 12:41am -
Ali, I think we call this realization "a major turning point in our grief" and I am so happy to hear that you are experiencing it. Your words express the hopes and dreams of so many widows...NOT to get stuck in our grief, but to carry forth the love we have for our loved as we "re-enter" life again. It is hard to do, but is possible and we all have different timelines to get there. I know of a widow in my community who is not budging similar to your example of the black widow after 20 years. Whenever someone mentions doing something or suggesting something she replies "I will if it brings ___ back I'll do it?" Well, we know the answer to that! I knew I did not want to be fall into that mantra. When I see other widows or parents who have lost a child and they are participating in life again, having fun, laughing, I want to follow that example. You are setting that example in your blog post and so many are going to benefit from it, especially those whose loss is recent and are feeling hopeless. Thank you for sharing your new found hope and for being a shiny example for the rest of us.
This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people
Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.
Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.
We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."
HOT TOPICS!
© 2013 Created by Supa Dupa Fresh.
You need to be a member of Widowed Village to add comments!
Join Widowed Village