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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

It’s been five months since I have seen you, and I feel like I am starting to forget. Even though remembering hurts, it hurts even worse to forget.  When I dream about you, it is sometimes not your face I see, even though I know it’s you. How can that be? Where is your face when I need it so much?

I don’t want to forget:

  • your eyes. How I loved to look in your eyes and tell you I love you.
  • holding your hand and how your hand felt in mine. Your skin was a little rough from all the hard work you did, but how I loved to hold that hand.
  • your voice. I now have only one saved voicemail, three words: “call me. bye.” What I would give to hear you say you loved me and call me “baby.”
  • running my fingers through your hair.
  • the gentle touches that needed no words.

I feel like it’s slipping from me, moment by moment. This breaks my heart. I don’t want to forget.

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Comment by Callie2 on February 20, 2017 at 4:00pm
Sherry, I think our brains are quite complex and seem to play tricks on us. It may be a way of dealing with the intense pain of your recent loss. I doubt this will be permanent, I predict in time, this will no longer be the case. Our love for them doesn't just evaporate or go away because they've passed, I believe those warm memories will surface one day.
Comment by NoLongerInBergenJC on February 19, 2017 at 10:50am

I find that is the double-edged sword of moving on and continuing to live -- that the life we had becomes ever more remote and far away until it feels like it was someone else's life, just as the life we had before we met them feels like someone else's life.  

I still have the old answering machine that has his voice on it.  I still have the voice recordings from doctor visits, except that in most of those he is testy with me, so they only provide limited comfort.  I have no photographs later than 2007, because he had always hated being photographed, and no video at all for the same reason.  Mostly where I hear him is in my own voice, in expressions he used and tonal things that he had that I picked up because I do have a tendency to pick up people's speech patterns.

Comment by Doug02122014 on February 19, 2017 at 7:27am
Sherry, I too fight this fear. Thus, my widville username "DOUG02122014". When I found widville I was 2 weeks out and very raw. I already was deeply into the widowed fog and forgetting everything. I was so worried that I would forget the day my Darlene took her last breath and needing a username I went with my 1st. Name and the date of loss 2/12/2014. I will say that remembering the date of her passing is the least of my worries. I have done home videos but I found out too late the audio part of the recording wasn't working.

Hold on to your voice mails in multiple places in case something happens to one of them you will have a backup.

Take care.

Doug

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