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I had a random thought this morning - I'm not who I was 6 1/2 months ago.  My husband's death has turned me into a different person, one that I don't know and don't want to be.  His passing set off a chain of events that was impossible to anticipate.  I read a quote on the internet a few minutes ago that stated "Death changes nothing".  No, death changes everything.  It has forced me into thinking differently, feeling differently, living a different life, having a different future, making different decisions, knowing and dealing with different people, having a different relationship with some longtime friends and family, and perhaps leaving my home and this state.  Death has changed ME.  

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Comment by Heidi57 on February 25, 2019 at 6:32pm

I understand.  My husband's death has me not knowing who I am, what I want to do, how I want to do it and how will I get thru it alone.  He passed away Sept. 22/18 and I still feel like I'm on hold expecting to wake up and find out it's just a horrible dream.  His death has changed everything in my life, our sons & daughter-in-law and two grandsons lives, our friends and families but my path will be different from all of them as it was our love that made all of it possible and not having him here to love me and support me means I'm no longer who I was with him since I was 17 and over the last 44+ years.  At 61 I have many years ahead of me but I can't even imagine them without him and or how I'll learn to live them alone.  He will always be in my heart and my memories are precious but this doesn't hold me, kiss me or make me laugh each day.  I know his love for me will give me the strength but right now it's only just getting me thru one day at a time and so far so many of those days have not been good.  

Comment by Tekwriter on February 8, 2019 at 11:43am

In two and a half months the anniversary will be here for me. Whoever said that should be drawn and quartered. It is clear they know nothing. Most people know nothing. Unless they have been there they don't understand and by this point they are tired of hearing it. I try to keep it to myself but sometimes it gets hard.

Comment by Rainy (Misty) on February 1, 2019 at 10:27am

Death changes everything, but it doesn't change the fact that we were loved and loved an amazing partner.  

I am a different person as well, it's been 13 months for me and I am just now beginning to learn who I am without Jerry.  You really don't comprehend or even give a thought of how much of yourself you've given to someone until they leave and take it with them.   I'm okay with who I'm becoming, but I miss the old me, the old us.  This life I'm living now is a struggle.  When Jerry was here everything was fun and easy.  

Comment by riet on February 1, 2019 at 7:19am

Everything has changed since my love died. Very much. Everything changed when he suddenly became incurably ill in 2014. But nothing can be compared to the time that came afterwards. The dreams are gone, the hope is gone. Away the little things to enjoy together. "Together" is gone. I live and try to respect him in everything. In my mind I consult with him, but he does not answer. But he remains the love of my life. He remains my husband forever. That will never change. Only .... the shine has disappeared from my life. We too were married for 47 years. And made so many plans. Because that's how it had to be: we always together.
Now after nine months I feel nothing better than in the first days after his death.
I am aware of the good things that have remained: the children, the grandchildren. I am who I am thanks to him. Since I met him, my world changed from gray to color.
These colors are not completely gone, although I sometimes have trouble seeing them.
I miss him so much. That will not change. How good was life with him.
I hope for all of us on a bit more light in this dark tunnel

Comment by DIVA70 on February 1, 2019 at 3:19am

Whoever said "Death changes nothing" has most certainly not been on the journey I am on now. When my husband died on April 29,2018 EVERYTHING in my life changed. Imagine meeting your husband in the sixth grade and than being reunited years later, marrying, having three children, eight grandchildren, retiring together and despite physical challenges living a beautiful, happy life together only to suddenly have all of that joy ripped right from under your feet. It has been nine months and I still have not regained my footing. I don't think I ever will. Nothing is the same. I know I have changed. Like you I just never expected our lives to be cut short at 47 years of marriage. We were making plans for our 50th anniversary. We had dreams of one day selling our dream home and moving into an independent living community. We envisioned ourselves walking hand in hand into our eighties. Now I am faced with the painful fact that nothing we planned together will happen. Shortly after he passed one of my sisters said, "Now you're single!" She said it as if it was something to celebrate. I knew at that moment that she just didn't get it! As I approach the one year mark I find that I am not missing my husband any less than on that fateful day. If anything I miss him more. I know he would want me to be happy. We had talked about what we would want for each other should either one of us died. And there are moments when I think of the life we built together and I can smile and be thankful. But happy has taken on a new meaning for me now. As far as I am concerned I will never be single. I will always be married to my one and only true love. Right now I just take it one day at a time. Take care and God bless.

Comment by Bobbysgirl on January 29, 2019 at 3:24am

Very sorry for your loss. It has been over 5 years for me. Whoever said that death changes nothing is an idiot. It changes almost everything in your life. When  I lost Bob I thought I would never fully recover. My life has changed a lot and I am in a much better place than I was when Bob died. It takes time to adjust to our situation. When you feel ready try to find activities that you enjoy. It will help you meet new people. It is not easy, but there are a lot of friendly people. We are all different and we adjust in our own way. Be kind to yourself, cry when you want, and most of all ignore negative people. I wish you well Peace to all.

Comment by laurajay on January 28, 2019 at 10:45am

Pegasus....wait until your  6 1/2  mo is 6 1/2  years....It  won't be  180 degree  change  but a 360  degree change...  Sorry for your loss....people often  say it gets  " better"  or " softer".  Not for me.  Not  at  all.  What  my beloved husband's unexpected and sudden  death did for me  is it changed  my life.   not better  not softer  not  worse...just changed.

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