I try to tell myself that I don't begrudge anyone getting on with their life. I don't think I do. I get it. I wish I could but I can't.
I need to keep off of Facebook. Everyone posting their stupid silly cartoons, celebrating their Birthday's, Anniversaries (those are the worst), their kids sports and grades and silly things they've said. How annoying their husbands are or the silly thing he said. Do you not remember my husband died? Remember a month ago? When you all sent me those messages telling me how terrible it is to hear that? Some of you who lived close even came to the service. "Anything we can do?" "Call if you need anything." I know I said I'm okay I know I said I'll call. I lied. I'm not remotely okay and we both know I won't call. I think most of you are glad I didn't. I had plenty of support that week. Tons of people calling me. Now no one calls. Facebook goes on as normal. I post something about Doug on my timeline I get a few "likes" one or two frownie face icons thats about it. Me and the kids we're stuck here. I didn't think people would dissapear this quickly. I thought I had several months before people went on with their lives. I cry nightly sometimes during the day but mostly at night. I go to work because I have no choice. I want to curl up in a ball and mourn my husband. I want to feel him hug me and him to get me through this. How stupid is that. I need him to get me through losing him. My happy optimistic husband. He had a guy friend who was helping me that week. He was my friend too. I'm pretty sure his wife made him stop checking in on me. I can't blame her. I was the jealous type too. I would have hated Doug calling her if the roles were reversed. And now I ramble and get off topic.
No I don't berudge anyone getting on with their lives. I just wish I could.