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Lingerie Drawer (I'm new to this world)

So I lost my husband to a sudden heart attack 27 days ago.  We were married for 13 years and have 3 amazing kids.  We got married 4 times so we just celebrated our 47th wedding anniversary.  We had a beautiful last night, couldn't have asked for a better last night.  We drove an hour to his favorite restaurant, which is just not something we did on a school night at 6:30 at night on the wet roads of Los Angeles ( it never rains in LA and people just don't know how to drive in it).  But we went despite all of that, we celebrated our middle daughters birthday a week early and our kids straight A's.  We had just the five of us, celebrating and enjoying ourselves.  My husband made the comment that this would be our last dinner together just the five of us until the holidays were over and his birthday was over.  How right he was!  We got home around 9:15pm, put the kids to bed with hugs, kisses and prayers and I headed into our room to call my sister who had called during dinner to talk.  At 9:40 he came into the room saying he was having a hard time breathing.  He had been fighting a cold, so I hung up with my sister and went to go see what I could do to help.  Oh, one more important fact, my husband WAS a quadriplegic for the past 23 years.  Needless to say, we called 911, they came and checked him out, all vitals were great, we decided to not take the expensive ambulance ride, especially since they told him no lights and sirens for him.  I loaded him into our car, we drove to the hospital, during the drive he told me to turn back, he was feeling fine, this is dumb, I refused, we pulled into the hospital and he said, I don't feel so well now, then he spasmed and collapsed.  I ran in for help, got him into triage and then into the ER.  They worked hard on him, they were surprised by my ability to run an ER, I was not surprised that I was handling a tough situation with a focus on logistics.  By midnight they called it!  At 9:15pm my husband kissed our three babies goodnight and 3 hours later I was a widow.  How fast does a life pass us by? 

A week later I'm in our closet putting away clothes when I looked down at the bottom drawer, the lingerie drawer!  I lost it, what a dumb thing to set me off, but it hit me, I will never wear that ever again!  What should I do with it?, throw it away, no, not yet anyway, but truly at some point far far away I wish to meet someone and wear lingerie again, but this lingerie in this drawer is his and will be no more.  He loved when I wore lingerie.  I always thought it was silly seeing how it never stayed on very long, but it was for him and him only.  He was my first, my only!  In three hours time I went from thinking about what to wear to bed, maybe lingerie, to how do I tell my babies, our miracles, that daddy is gone.  

In 27 days, we have celebrated our 10 year olds birthday without Daddy, we have celebrated Christmas without Daddy, in a few more days we will celebrate New Years without Daddy and a few days after that we will celebrate Daddy's birthday without Daddy.  All of it hitting one after another, and that darn lingerie drawer still sits idle.  

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Comment by Peg on January 2, 2015 at 9:30pm

So sorry for your loss.

Comment by Kaydee on December 31, 2014 at 6:41pm

So sorry you have to go through this. (((Hugs))). My hubby passed Oct. of 2013. One month short of our 38th anniversary.  Now tomorrow  the 1st would of been his 60th birthday. I will stay up til midnight and then wish him a happy birthday. 

We knew since he had cancer, but it still hurts that he is gone.  My condolences to you and your family.

Comment by Callie2 on December 30, 2014 at 2:45pm
I'm so sorry. I understand sudden loss as my husband died of a sudden heart attack too. I kept feeling like I was dreaming, like this cannot be real, how could it be? My heart goes out to you and your family and may you soon find peace.
Comment by Doug02122014 on December 29, 2014 at 11:57pm
Awe, ((((Hugs)))) RV

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