“I have always been afraid of losing those that I love. I’ve sometimes wondered is there anyone out there afraid of losing me.” Anon.
One of my friends posted this today on Facebook and for some reason it caught my attention. I was going to do my usual click like and move on but something made me stop. Something about this quote bothered me even as it held my attention. It made me stop and take stock, but not, I think, in the way the author intended. Instead, I felt the need to write down my particular truth, in my own words, in response to this quote.
I am no longer afraid of losing those that I love. Why fear the inevitable? We will all face losses in our lifetime that will bring us to our knees. We will lose parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, husbands, wives, God forbid, children. Life is about love and loss, and coping with the aftermath. I have faced losses that have torn my life down to its very foundation. I lost both my husband and my father in 2011. That year taught me a lot about loss, but even more about life and love. I learned not to fear the loss or the pain that comes with the loss. If you choose to love, you also choose the risk of losing. And the losing will leave scars. Deep profound scars that will never heal, that are badges of honor. I wear my scars proudly, they show that I loved profoundly, I lost profoundly and that I still choose to live.
As for wondering if there is anyone out there that is afraid of losing me, that is a matter of supreme unimportance. I think that there probably are at least a couple of people that fear losing me, and dread the pain of that loss. I am more concerned though, that they know how much I appreciate them and cherish having them in my life.
And here comes my real fear. Regret. I fear regret, not life or death, but the regret of knowing that I have not done all that I can, that I have not shown my love and appreciation for my family, my friends, my loved ones. That I have not shown kindness, compassion and love. That I may choose to shut out and shut down, rather than let in love and feel the pain of the loss. I fear regret far more than I fear death at this point in my life.
For in the end, truly, only kindness and love matter. They are the only things that are never really lost. I have lost some of those that I love, but not my love for them, or their love for me, or my love for those that are still here. That is my truth. Know that I love you and peace out!