A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
I am learning I am still "ME" yes a little different how can we not be. I did lose some confidence when I had the stroke, but with hard work, and John and my family cheering me on. I have regained some of my confidence back. Losing my biggest cheer leader I did lose some self confidence.. I am a fighter/ a survivor. I barely think about the stroke anymore. I do get a bit frustrated at the things I could once do easily, but can be more difficult now. I also have to remember I am no longer 40.. the days of carrying 40 to 50 lbs. and some other more physical things, are not just stroke related, but also due to having surgery on my right hand, and now my left on Friday, and I am getting older. My body just is not physically able to do what I did at 40 & 50..
Taking those first steps out.. to go to the grief group, Doing things alone now, that we did together.. getting through
firsts,.. birth days, Holidays. Making a new routine, and learning to say NO. The feisty lady is still in there. Just had to go through this grief journey and understand I am still ME. I still love to joke and tease, it is okay to laugh and enjoy my life. Yes I miss the special little things, and teasing, our routines. I also understand I am the one who had to make the move .. the first steps of movng forward. It is okay to cry or get frustrtaed ..but to stand up.. and face these challenges.
I was the one to deal with bills and most phone calls. John was a people person, big teddy bear. He did not like confrontations.. oh he could get upset and did run his business.. but if someone had to be let go.... it was usually up to me..(LOL)
I am coming out of my shell. but like a turtle I have days when I pull my head back in, but I am evolving... and understand it is not disrespctful to laugh and enjoy life. It is the opposite. it is respecting him and the reasons he loved me.. to come back out of my shell.
I will always remember our 20 yrs.. good times and not so great times. Now reaching out here, and to new friends instead of turning to him.
This is definately a roller coaster/ and not a fun one, but day bt day we get stronger.