Today is one of those days, I woke up and realized I was alone. I'm not sure why I was shocked about that, my very first thought was to wonder where Jerry went and why he didn't wake me up. Then it hit me, these thoughts came in such rapid succession that I scarcely had time to blink. While I was still sitting on the side of my bed I thought, great, now I've set the tone for my day and haven't even stepped foot onto the floor.
Hours later, it's rainy and overcast the house is dark and quiet. As I listen to the music made by the rain softly beating against our metal roof, I recall a conversation with Jerry about how wonderful the sound was and how glad we were to have made the decision to install a metal roof. Wonderful memories of stormy nights come into mind and the tears roll. Why? Is it because I've already told myself today was going to be a melancholy day? In a word YES.
If you've ever read anything I've written you know, I have utterly rejected the notion that grief deprives us of all joy and happiness. Of course, it makes it harder to enjoy life without having someone to enjoy it with but it's certainly not impossible. It's so difficult to search your own soul. Often it's scary. I'm of the opinion it's necessary to unravel the twisted mess of your mind when such a life-shattering soul snatching event takes place. I'm aware there are about as many attitudes towards grief as there are stars in the sky. My way isn't the only right way. However, for me? Well, I'm doing pretty good. When I first landed here at WV I was so overwhelmed by my grief; just thinking about those early days makes my heart ache for myself, those before, and those widow's that are still to come.
Anyway, I've managed to get my day turned around. I felt compelled to share something today and I feel like I can't say it often enough to the new arrivals or to the seasoned widows living in the state of misery...Please, please reject the lie your heart is telling you. There is hope. There is life, there is joy, laughter and good times to be had. Through the tears and fears, BELIEVE IT! XO