We were watching family videos last night. It was 2009, and I was the videographer. Wayne and some others were in the living room. We were on vacation. I was enjoying watching Wayne, and listening to his voice. I love hearing his voice.
I was so happy watching him. Then, Wayne said, "Ok, I have go go now, Bye!" And he went out the door.
I haven't recovered. It's been 24 hours. Of course today is 17 months that Wayne is dead.
Am I losing it? Is this my mind's way of reminding me that Wayne really is gone, for good? You'd think I would already know this. I don't need to see it, or play it over and over in my head.
I haven't had a day like this ever. I've been so good. So optimistic. So grateful.
Today I've been .. how do I say this? Bad, pessimistic and definitely not grateful.
Wayne was so much fun. So full of life and energy. This house was alive when he was here. The first thing I noticed after he died was that the house was quiet. At the time, this wasn't entirely a bad thing. He was so damn noisey, always on the telephone with his friends, cooking up the next big adventure. It was actually a relief to have some peace and quiet. Yeah, right.
I'd give anything to have his laughter and energy fill the house again.
I miss you, my buddy.