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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

11 months out. My brain is still programmed to expect her. I still wake up sad and the house is so disappointingly empty. She is supposed to be at the table drinking coffee and reading the paper. Then go to the closet and pick a beautiful pressed shirt to wear to work. She always looked fabulous. Every morning is a disappointment. At least I don't wake up crying any more. I just wake up sad.

I feel as if I'm walking in water, they way you do in the ocean or a shallow lake. The water is up to my waist and it takes a lot of effort. I'm walking walking walking. Everyone else is walking on the beach, or running. I'm walking in waist high water. With weights tied to me. At least it's not neck high like it was in the beginning. In the beginning I was drowning. It took effort just to breathe. Now breathing is OK but going through the day is still hard. I have to make an extra effort to make tea, make toast, everything. Everything is being done underwater, with weights.

But if I zoom out and look at the year from a distance, I see progress. I have moments of real joy. When the sadness comes back it's not debilitating, just sad. I hope this progress continues. 

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Comment by bblue5 on June 2, 2017 at 7:54am

I feel your pain. My whole world is crumbling around me for my loss is new. Only 2 months. Every day at five o;clock I am tricked into thinking he will come walking in the door and this will all be a bad dream and that we will laugh about it later on. I am glad you are progressing. All blessings to you.

Comment by ashleynicole8378 on May 27, 2017 at 9:02pm

Hope your progress continues too 

Comment by AEDforever (Ali) on May 16, 2017 at 5:59pm

Keep walking Anna, keep walking.  the tide will go out, and the steps will get less laborious.  Keep walking. 

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