Life is passing me by, whether I do anything with it or not. Time waits for no one, and in that time, there is room for change (so very much change), healing, recovery and reflection. I've recently been lucky enough to find a job, which is keeping me busy, however, I'm realizing that it's good to have something to keep my mind from wandering. Not that I feel there is anything wrong with thinking about him, us and what we had, but pondering on it for long moments only makes me upset. It's been almost 7 months since he passed, and I wouldn't say its "getting easier", the pain is dulling, very slowly, but it is. I think of him every single day and at many times in the day, but rather than having a constant focus on my misery and sadness, it is beginning to become a bit easier to be thankful for everything that we did have. To everyone that is experiencing this, it does change, as all things do. I still have the days where it hits me so hard and I couldn't want anything more but to have him by my side again. I have a feeling it will be like that, off and on, for a good while. But as I said, life goes on.
I had a friend tell me the other day, "...he lived his life. Living is for the living. You've got to see that there's still a lot of life out there for you to conquer. So do it." And she is right. Every single one of us who have lost someone have so much left to do, and if you can't do it for yourself, do it to make the one that you loved so deeply proud of you. That's my plan. I would only want him happy, in this life or another, and if I can do anything about it here, it would be to simply be the best I can for myself and for him, because he always wanted the best of everything for me.
Here is a collage of us, a few photos of several taken one silly, random night. Like most nights were. He was the best person I have ever known and the best friend and husband I could have asked for <3
RIP, my Love.
7.20.88 - 1.1.13