Widowed Village

A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation

Mr Right or Mr. Right now? Oh well, it's a moot point!

So, just to see what's (who's) "out" there I did a profile on match.com.  I am going to preface this by saying that I am not terribly serious about this.  My original profile was pretty blunt and straight forward "Widowed mother of four" was what it read.  Okay, maybe it was a little better than that, but not much.

I was doing a custom search.....looking at profiles of widowers.  I mean, it makes sense to me to start out with someone that has had a similar experience and more importantly will UNDERSTAND that I am not single by choice but by circumstance.  Then it happened.  I came across a man that is my age, really good looking, with many of the same interests that I have.  He lives less than 30 minutes away from me.  He was new on the site.  I read his profile and went "wow" this seems too good to be real!  His heading read "I need a new beginning"  Yeah, me too......

Not being a paying member (remember, I was not that serious about this venture!) the only thing I could do was "wink", hokey, I know.  But I looked at this guy (did I mention he was HOT?) and thought hmmm......should I?  Well, if you recall from earlier my profile was certainly not anything special and really more like a scare you away kind of thing!  So, I went in and re-did my profile.  I added pictures, and re-wrote the "about me" section.  While I didn't lie (really, I didn't!) I might have "tailored" it to fit with this guys profile.  The last thing I did that night before I went to bed was send a "wink".  This guy was good looking...I know, I know, I've already said that...and I never imagined that I would get a response.  I mean, widowed mother of four, what every man wants, right?  The next morning, once I got the kids off to school I checked...and he winked BACK!  I was astounded, but now I had a decision to make....I couldn't communicate any further with this guy unless I actually paid for a membership...ugggh...I really wasn't that serious...but.......okay.  So, I paid for the membership and sent him an email.  Know what?  He closed down his account that day!  So, that email cost me $45, and he never got it, LOL!  Even though his account has been closed, I can somehow still get into his profile from my cellphone.  I think I have the profile memorized at this point.  Heck, there's even a picture of him standing in front of a house with a very unique front door, his house?  I don't know, but if it is, it wouldn't be that hard to pick out.  I'm scaring myself......Stalkerish, right?

I don't know if he would have been Mr. Right, or if he would have even been truly interested, but I will say that it has been fun to imagine the possibilities over the last 2 weeks.  It has given me a small amount of hope that there is a future out there for me that includes the love of another man. I hope that man finds me, though I doubt it will be on match.com!

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Comment by rodsgurl09 on April 28, 2012 at 10:31am

Cec,  you're so right : ) Mauigirl, I like your comment about hubby picking a good one for you! No, they would not want us to be alone and unhappy for the rest of our lives. I felt overwhelming guilt when I went on my first date, but I'm starting to get beyond it. I know Rod would want me to be happy, and I think he would really like Michael. I think he would approve. Sheryl, you will find the love of the rest of your life. (((hugs))) I know he's out there. Brian will steer him your way. xo

Comment by Mauigirl on March 9, 2012 at 3:37am

I think I did read somewhere online about complaints with match.com regarding fake winks. Can you imagine telling someone "I am a male model that they post my photo to get potential women to pay up for the memberships" Haha I bet it is really true. Would'nt it be cool if their profile had a history of how many winks, how long a user had been with the site and how many emails they had sent or responded too? Oh we could find the players and fakes.... Oh well the way I look at it..it is another transition. I would have never thought looking at a potential online handsome man would make me feel like such a school girl again. The transition is that it is possible to be attracted to another after having such a wonderful marriage. I never thought I could before. I do know in my heart my love would not want me to be alone for the rest of my life and I am hoping maybe he is picking a good one for me because he knows exactly what I need and what I can live with or without. Well I guess one has to have hope.

Comment by flamingt on February 14, 2012 at 4:15am

It's all innocent and fun.  It's the start of something new for you and you are retracing your memories of becoming attractive again.  It sounds hokey, but when I was doing that winking, and guys winking back, some seemed to be scary to me, and then others would remove their profiles.  It felt like I was in junior high school again.  But, seriously, it is all innocent, because you have the common sense to know when to close it down when it feel peculiar.  The next step is to get out into your high heeled pumps with some lovely lipstick on and check out the real guys.  In the end, you're better off having the coffee meetup for 15 minutes to feel out the real person.  All baby steps...but comforting to know that you just aren't going to be alone in the world.  

I eventually worked up the courage to go out by myself....so all in all, once you feel comfortable with yourself, it will work out.  All the feelings are in my new book I just published last month.  (Psst....it's rated R in some chapters!).....www.lorianzini.com  - the book is "Escaping the Jaws of Life".

Comment by cec on January 24, 2012 at 10:41am
Awe....girl I found an amazing man that accepts me with 6 kids and all still at home..,there's hope ...
Comment by Lyn on January 24, 2012 at 1:53am

This really made me smile today.  I actually asked a man out a few weeks before Christmas.  I thought I was just offering to meet him for coffee because he is a widower of about 18 months and I thought maybe he could use some support, but he definitely thought I'd asked him out on a date.  I wanted to cancel about 50 times, but in the end I went.  It was fun!  I did really well until it was time to leave and then I wasn't sure what to do.  It's been so long since I've even considered dating that I almost made myself sick anticipating it.  It was fine but I don't think we will do it again unless he just wants a friend as I'm not really ready to start dating.  I'm not sure I'll ever be.  I had no idea that Match.com charged so much -  I'd just never really considered using them - it made me chuckle so much about getting your courage up. 

Lyn

Comment by Lisa2012 on January 23, 2012 at 6:50pm

I love your post.  You made me smile and I needed it today.

Thanks

Comment by twinsmum on January 23, 2012 at 5:11am

hehehe...I did a similar thing and I got these 'kisses' (as they were free) - it freaked me out and I took my profile offline immediately as well.  Scared the crap out of me...A little while later put it back on line....then a while later off line....etc.etc....I just wasn't quite ready.   So you never know he may go back on line and see your email.  They say if its meant to be its meant to be.  So you never know.  And you are a member now so you may get a few emails yourself.  I never paid a membership but I have heard that those that do will only correspond with those that pay as well as they believe they may be more serious.  Have fun :)...I am still offline - too chicken....although I have met someone camping at Christmas and we have started hanging out and holding hands.....and again it scares the crap out of me - feel like a teenager again and don't know what to do or what not to do...and I also have twin tweenies.....what am I thinking..... :)

 

Comment by Dianne in Nevada on January 22, 2012 at 9:22pm

Your post made me smile, Sheryl.  But it also made me wonder if match.com posts fake profiles of good-looking people to lure others into paying for a membership. I know - I've become rather jaded. 

But, honestly, I'm thinking it was well worth the $45 for you to work through all of the possibilities of what your future holds and what you're ready for. Probably less than what you'd have to pay a therapist. And who knows? Perhaps late one night you'll find yourself checking out match.com again while your membership is still active.  Good luck!

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