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I left the house early today To go fix a radio station Out in the Everglades of New Jeresy..   I came home and Found My son.. Crying in his room . I thought he was leaving for work.. He then asked me about the Recording On the Computer in my Bedroom...I said What recording...  I have Been through this machine Looking for some sort of Video last will... anything. came up with Nothing,But the other night I did a download Of Pictures From her Phone, and did Not know it also Downloaded Her Voice MEMO's...

 He found a Recording dated March 27th 2014  Exactly 1 Month before she passed away.. She Left me and the kids, and Her Family a Last Message that is 7 Mins Long..Telling me  that If I found this   that she is No longer here On Earth   but looking down On Us..she  told me to Continue  My Life and To find someone to share it with.. I was the Best that Ever happened to Her.. our 8 years together were the Best Of Her Life.. OMG   IM just Loosing It...  

 I loved her From the moment I First laid eyes On her Until she Left suddenly .THank you Patricia,  You are and will always Be an amazing woman in My Heart.. I Love you too babe..    your Honey    Neal

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Comment by Damianino! on June 19, 2014 at 8:04am

hog659 I am so so sorry for your loss.  Awesome wife you had, we all had and hubbies too.  Thank you for your wonderful note/comment to me.  I really appreciate you all and well, anything can happen.  You guys are great and If all the ingredients permit, I will someday go on a tour to link this wonderful online support group!  I am going to print out your letter and stick it on my board for inspiration. My daughter is the centre of my world now!  I am now even a very careful person than I used to be.  I was a bit of a daredevil and speed devil.  I have given that up, even the drinking has stopped. I need to be there fully for her.  Neal go steady, we will get there whatever that means or wherever that is. You rock.  Shalom!!!

Comment by hog659(Neal) on June 19, 2014 at 7:49am
Hello Damianino
I did not know nor did Patti.she did not know she was going to die.
The morning she made the recording she went in for a standard
Heart catherization . Where they discovers a double blockage.
I think she made the recording because was scared. Of having to have
An open heart double bypass possibly a few weeks later.
She ended up having the bypass 4 days later. And fully recovered.
It was almost 23 days later we were laying in bed.around 10 pm. When
She leaned over. Said I love you. We kissed. She turned over. Snuggled up against me said goodnight.
And one minute later she is gasping g
For air having a full blow grand mal seizure
No warning. She was blue in 4 mins I could not get an airway .
EMS got a pulse 30 mins later. Her birthday was the next
Day in a coma. She died 4 days later the 27th
And our 2nd wedding anniversary was the 29th
You could say it was a bad week.
At Least you have a child to remember her by.
Patricia and I have no kids together. She had my 2
From my first marriage
Not for nothing. I don't like being alone.
Just last week I met a very lovely woman
.we talk,we listen to each other, we take walks,
I both feel like we have known each other for years.
We both believe in companionship, trust , honesty.
I will never forget Patricia, but I found someone to talk with
and feel like a teenager on his very first date
Always remember your wife
Cherish your child be the best parent you can be.
Don't feel guilty. Yes for me it's easy to say
You have to move on with your life.
My wife is only gone just going 2 months.
Don't fall into that rut that I almost fell into.
God has a master plan for you. Your young .
You will find another person to live out your life with
And your child will not want to see you hurting.
Be blessed with the time you had with her.
Btw this site really helped me.otherwise I may not
Be here today telling you how I am dealing with Patricia's sudden death.
You have many new friends here. We have all been though it .
We are here to listen. As long as you remember
She will always live in your heart.
Even though I met a new wonderful lady. 2 thing I say
I still cry for Patricia every night and hug her pillow.
And relationships are not based on sex. That may or may not
Come with time. But it's not as important
As companionship having someone that can understand
And listens and you will do just fine.
Stay in touch . Yes it takes time. Neal
Comment by flannery on June 19, 2014 at 7:22am

Such a gift to have. I'm grateful you found it.

Comment by Damianino! on June 19, 2014 at 7:04am

So sorry for you loss my people.  Wow!! a recording!  I was not so lucky.  Hell i did not even know she was dying right before me as she left painlessly...I know she was having difficulty breathing on the hospital bed and  a nurse was trying to stabilise her blood pressure and calling the doctor. i kept calling her name and tapping her  and was getting alarmed...she just passed!!! no I will always love you, move on or such an such.  I envy bro..thank your wife everyday or the 7 minutes long message.  Now any video i find of my wife that i recorded and focused more on the baby i find, i keep kicking myself on the head for not capturing her and the baby altogether.  How the heck was I supposed to she was going to go so suddenly!  Life!!!  Keep loving your Patricia my brother, and God willing you will not loose it...we all come close but somehow are still hanging in there.  We are all in one boat and will keep it afloat somehow 

Comment by my roses on June 17, 2014 at 10:36pm

My roses

hog 659  very glad you found the recording. I have a recording on my answer phone with Wes voice on it and also a message he left me when in hospital.. saying a friend was coming to see him in hospital and   he was sorry he missed me but  "I would love to catch up with you my love."  I   don't listen to it every day... but give myseslf a real lift when when I am feeling low.. to hear his beautiful voice.

Also read another post of yours re meeting another widow... and how we just need someone to  be with to ease our pain.  Some of the other widowers on WV  have mentioned this topic.  I wrote a post in response - just to help us to be aware of how vulnerable we are. (I am a former counsellor)  As many men can find themselves in  difficult situations as a result of their grief... and they are  taken advantage of financially etc.  Don't want to be harsh... but have been journeying with some men who have experienced this issue.

The word journeying means... walking along side, listening, sharing ideas about their grief.   If  you wished to read the post I can send it to you - if you friend me.  I must say I was shocked by what happened to one of the men.... he lost thousands of dollars financially  including  things from his home.  This was on top of the grief he had endured  for the loss of his wife.   Many blessings

Comment by Joyce on June 17, 2014 at 10:32am

Hugs Neal, I know that was so hard to listen to - for both you and your son.  It might be a while but some day you will be thankful that you have something with her voice on it.  She really did leave you a gift.

Comment by Mariposa on June 16, 2014 at 2:04pm

hog659- Sorry for your loss. As painful as it is, her last message was a beautiful gift. Peace, comfort and healing to you.

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